


And I Miss Space

by codevassie



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: First Kiss, Future Fic, Insomnia, Let Them Sleep, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 17:23:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11673681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/codevassie/pseuds/codevassie
Summary: Team Voltron has returned to Earth. The universe is safe and now they can get back to their normal lives. After being gone for so long though, how easy is it to go back to "normal"?Keith can't sleep on Earth. Neither can Lance. When they run into each other at a diner they end up spending a lot more of their nights together than they ever thought they would.





	And I Miss Space

Sleep was but a dream to Keith. Too bad one needed to actually be asleep to have one of those.

 

No, no. There were daydreams too, weren't there? Too bad it wasn't daytime.

 

How about a hope? A goal? Those were dreams. When he was younger he'd dreamed of being a pilot or shooting for the stars. When he had been  _ really  _ young, he'd wanted to touch the stars. Actually hold one of the celestial bodies in the palm of his hand and watch it twinkle and glimmer.

 

But he'd already been a pilot and already seen the stars. Seen so many stars he couldn't even count. Seen stars beyond any someone could find from Earth. Sure, it was nothing close to holding one in his hand - that was impossible no matter the universe he was in - but he'd been there and seen them and achieved all of his goals and hopes for his future.

 

Well, most of them anyway.

 

When he was younger, he'd also dreamed of having a family. Keith had thought that perhaps with time he could have that too. Him and his team were pretty close, or had been when they'd still been a team. When the universe still needed saving.

 

Sometimes in his room in the Castle of Lions, Keith would lie awake, much as he was accustomed in doing now, and wonder if his team truly was a family to him. It had been the closest thing he'd ever had, at least.

 

But Keith could never trust someone so wholly. Yeah, he'd given his team his trust, more than he'd ever given anyone, but it still wasn't enough. He'd always been too far apart from them to really make any sort of connection off the battlefield because he just couldn't do it. He couldn't break down everything he had built, all the walls inside, to try to let them in in some way.

 

Lance had resented him for it. Hunk had felt sorry for him. Pidge had been smart enough to stay well away. Allura did only enough to ensure the formation of Voltron and the safety of the universe. Coran was always busy enough with Lance or Pidge or Hunk.

 

Shiro- Well, Shiro was always Shiro. He had tried. But, in the end, he'd given up like everyone else. He still checked up on Keith down there on Earth, but Keith knew it was more obligation than anything. They'd been close once and Shiro knew Keith had nowhere else to turn.

 

So yeah, all of Keith’s dreams couldn't come true. Maybe if they had saved the universe a little slower or maybe if they'd decided to continue helping every planet with every little struggle, making their adventures last to the end of their days… maybe they really could have been a family.

 

But who was Keith kidding? If he had planned to actually let them in he would have done it long ago. At least now his teammates we're with their families. At least now they weren't held up on a ship, miserable and missing Earth.

 

Keith had never really missed earth. Not like the others. Maybe the familiarity of it, but Keith was used to adapting to strange places.

 

Keith used to think of Earth as a sort of limbo. Staying down there, in the soil, in the homes and the Garrison and the desert, it was all in the way of achieving what he hoped for in his life. He couldn't dream of living there among the rocks when the stars beckoned him each night. Earth was in the way of his dreams.

 

Now Keith knew he was right. Earth was limbo. But now, a different limbo. He had achieved his dreams, yet he still ended up back here. It wasn't yearning to be elsewhere anymore; it was knowing there was elsewhere but unable to go. It was not having an elsewhere to go and no dreams to follow.

 

Keith was active. He had to be doing something or he would fry out by simply staying in place. He had to run away from his foster homes or get good grades to stay in them. He had to do his best at the Garrison so he could become a pilot and maybe even one day touch the stars. He had to get away from the Garrison so he could find his friend. He had to figure out what that strange presence was that he could feel in that cave. He had to track down Red. It all became a blur then. He just had to save the universe. It was doing something. It was the act of being productive.

 

He had to run. Train. Learn. Do something. Anything.

 

He'd tried on many occasions to hardwire his brain to include 'sleep’ as one of those productive things, but it never listened. That wasn't enough. There had to be something else.

 

It had been easier to sleep in space, always in the mind that there would be more to do, another planet to save, more Galra to take down, the next he woke up. Here on Earth it was difficult. Here he had no promise of purpose.

 

Keith had taken a run on this particular night, determined to exhaust himself so he would have no choice but to sleep. Somehow he'd ended up in a 24 hour diner, one that he always eventually found himself in because it was the only thing open. It looked like any other diner, really. Windows surrounding it and bright lights to welcome night dwellers. It was nearly two in the morning. Not bad, really. He'd still rather be asleep though.

 

He took care of his body. When he wanted food, he ate. When he needed to blow off steam, he hit the training area or, in Earth’s case, the gym. When he needed rest, he at least laid down for a while.

 

There were times Keith got really focused on something and he simply forgot. He was a forgetful person when he slipped into his zone of productivity. But, all in all, Keith knew he could take care of himself. He'd been doing it for well over the time he'd been a part of Voltron. Or in the desert. Or even in the Garrison.

 

It wasn't that Keith didn't want to or didn't care. He really couldn't sleep. And if that wasn't the most annoying thing in the world, he didn't know what was.

 

Tossing and turning in bed. Almost dropping off then suddenly jerking awake for who knows what reason. Waking up after only two hours of sleep not because of an alarm or anything but because your body just didn't like the idea of being idle any longer.

 

Those were real annoyances. And then there were the traits that came with sleep deprivation. Tripping over things. Forgetting your train of thought or certain words. Just being slower on the uptake of things. Keith’s lack of sleep rarely altered him in any drastic way, but if it got really bad these annoyances would crop up and make his life a living hell.

 

But there he was again, listing all the reasons why he  _ really should _ get to sleep. Keith nibbled on a piece of toast he had ordered, sitting at the bar stool that sat at the front counter of the diner. He grimaced down at it. At least it wasn't coffee. That's just what he needed to get to sleep. Caffeine.

 

No matter how many times he would tell himself these things, the annoyances and grievances that his lack of sleep would bring, it never seemed to slow down his body. He was constantly in motion. Always geared for a run or a midnight movie or to jump out of bed at the Castle’s alarms.

 

He never thought he would miss those stupid obnoxious alarms.

 

Keith tapped his foot on the little bar around the base of the stool. He was totally wired. His skin was buzzing but his limbs were exhausted. Dear God, he just wanted sleep.

 

He should get home. He would be exhausted soon enough to be able to crash, right? Quiznak, he sure hoped.

 

Keith pushed his plate away from him and pulled out his wallet. Just when he was about to pull out bills for the meal, or whatever what he'd ordered may be considered, a voice caught his attention. And, if the voice hadn't, his name surely would have.

 

“Keith?”

 

Keith jumped, all nerves and electricity in his veins. He looked to his left, where the voice had come from and, sure enough, it was who he thought it would be.

 

He almost laughed at the irony. Standing there was another dream Keith could have never possibly obtained. It seemed that those were the only two columns for them these days: already achieved and never to be.

 

“Hey, Lance.”

 

-/-

 

Keith had forgotten how long it had been since they'd all come back to earth until he saw Lance. He was so much older. His hair clipped in a more professional manner than the boyish bangs from before and jawline more defined, if that were even possible.

 

He was still as beautiful as he'd been in space and was so familiar to Keith that, for a moment, he felt at peace. His nerves stopped buzzing. He was okay. Keith could see he was older, but he was still Lance.

 

But he was different, and not just from the signs of maturity. He had bags under his eyes and sunken cheeks. His smile was weak, tired. And Keith had thought that  _ he _ wasn't getting enough sleep. It was obvious enough that Lance wasn't getting any either.

 

When Lance motioned to the spot next to Keith it took a second too long for his brain to catch up. He would blame his fatigue on that one.

 

“Yeah. Sit.” Keith nodded and turned back into his own seat. He could stay just a bit longer. He looked back at Lance from the corner of his eye.

 

“Thanks.” Came the answer and Keith wasn't sure he'd heard right. That wasn't the usual Lance McClain attitude. Where were the rivalry comments and mullet jokes? Where was the twenty word sentences that absolutely no one asked for but he gave them anyway because “if you're gonna talk, you might as well do it well!”

 

Keith was anxious by nature, but he'd never had such a feeling around Lance unless it was about his own insecurities. Lance was a calming presence to him, even though they argued so much. Well, used to argue…

 

Talking with Lance was normal. He knew what to expect, even when Lance got his blood boiling. It was expected that he would get riled up at Lance’s comments, so, actually, it was a lot less nerve wracking than a lot of other experiences.

 

This wasn't their normal discussion though. This was running into each other at a diner at two in the morning when they both were obviously lacking on essential sleep.

 

So they both sat in silence for quite some time. Keith shifted uncomfortably. He was used to silence, but around Lance it was just too weird.

 

So, surprising to both of them, Keith spoke up. “You visiting Shiro?”

 

Out of the corner of his eye where Keith still watched Lance, he saw the other’s eyebrows shoot up. “Um, ah, no.”

 

Keith turned to look at him, a bit surprised. “Really? What are you doing around here then?”

 

That was when Lance scratched at his neck. Keith remembered the gesture well. It meant Lance was unsure, insecure, hesitant. It was the oddest feeling in the world, but Keith felt like a teenager again. Sucked back in time and shot back out into space. Like any moment the two would be broken from their conversation to jump in their lions and go.

 

“I moved here a few months ago, actually.” Lance replied and Keith processed the information slower than usual. This time he knew he couldn't just blame the lack of sleep as he tore his sight from that familiar gesture of Lance’s.

 

“Moved here?” Keith finally said, skeptical as if he hadn't heard right.

 

Lance nodded, not looking his way. “Yeah, I go to school up here. It's a bit far from the family, but I've been farther, right?” Lance let out a humorless laugh.

 

Keith could only nod. Now new thoughts were swimming through his head. Lance had been here. For months. He knew Keith lived here, so why hadn't he told him? He must have told Shiro, so why hadn't at least Shiro told him?

 

“Um,” Lance continued, a bit more chatty now that Keith had gotten conversation started, “So how have you been? I guess it kinda sucks running into you like this before we got together for a coffee or something. It's been a while.”

 

Keith responded with a noncommittal shrug. “Alright.” He didn't want to elaborate. There wasn't much he wanted to elaborate on from that past year of being back on Earth.

 

But Lance didn't seem to mind. “Your place is close to here, isn't it? Mine’s way across town. I got an apartment off fifth. It's nice.”

 

Keith threw him a suspicious glance. “You drove here all the way from there at two in the morning?”

 

Was it Keith or did Lance turn slightly pink at this? “Um, well, not exactly…”

 

Keith raised an eyebrow. “Not exactly?”

 

Lance drummed his fingers across the counter and, before responding, asked a waitress for coffee. Keith waited and when he refused to back down, Lance sighed and slumped.

 

“Okay,” he finally responded, “I've been maybe walking around a bit? Not much, you know. Just to clear the head and-”

 

“Wait.” Keith interrupted, giving Lance an unbelieving stare. “You  _ walked  _ all the way here?”

 

Lance shrugged like he was seriously trying not to make it a big deal. Keith wasn't buying it. “I was walking anyway.”

 

“Why?” Keith asked incredulously. “Why the hell would you be walking around town at two in the morning?”

 

“I could ask you the same question.” Lance responded, sticking his nose in the air. “I didn't see your bike outside, so, either you got a new car or you walked too.”

 

“ _ I _ don't live halfway across town!” Keith argued.

 

“You're still walking around at two in the morning. Who says I can't do it too?”

 

“Logic. Logic says you shouldn't be walking to a diner across town at two in the morning!”

 

“Pssh. Logic is overrated anyway.”

 

“Ugh!” Keith buried his face in his hands. He wanted to scream. Why had he wanted to trade nice silent Lance for this one again anyway? “I don't even  _ know _ how you got out of space alive!”

 

Then Lance grew quiet again and Keith remembered why. He did not like a silent Lance. He didn't like it at all.

 

That's when the waitress came over again and laid a mug in front of Lance. The coffee was black and Keith waited for Lance to go for the sugar dispenser. Lance hated black coffee.

 

But it was like Lance hadn't even noticed the coffee there at all. As Keith watched he noted that Lance’s eye bags were as prominent as ever. Whatever happened to beauty sleep and skin care? Space had changed them all, but Keith had never realized it had changed Lance  _ this _ much.

 

Finally Lance reached for the sugar and Keith wanted to smack it away from him. What the hell was he doing drinking coffee when he obviously needed sleep?

 

“You look exhausted.” He found himself saying and Lance looked up. He shrugged.

 

“I don't think you can talk.”

 

Keith wanted to believe that was some sort of dig on his looks, he'd been known for never showing his sleep deprivation on his face after all, but there was a sincerity to Lance's voice that he couldn't miss. Could Lance really see how tired Keith truly was or was he only making assumptions based off the fact that they were both out at two in the morning?

 

They sat in more silence as Lance sipped on his coffee. Keith’s anxious feelings festered and he began to drum his fingers to the counter again and tap his foot incessantly. Lance was the picture of calm, slumped over his coffee and taking tentative sips. It was quite a swap from their usual demeanours. When Lance was finished they both paid and stood to leave. Outside the night air was brisk and the stars were dull from the ever illuminated planet Earth.

 

“I guess I'll see you…” Lance said in an attempt of farewell. Keith’s gaze snapped down from the ache the stars wore into his heart to the absurd words he'd just heard Lance utter.

 

“You can't walk all the way back. Are you crazy?”

 

“Saying I can't do it?” Lance teased, but his normal jesting tone was sobered by a yawn. Keith frowned and he hoped Lance could see it too.

 

“I'm saying it's stupid to try. It's late and you're exhausted. My house isn't far; you can crash there.”

 

Lance’s eyes almost bugged out of his skull  at this. “What? I can't stay at your house!”

 

Keith planted his hands on his hips. “And why not?”

 

Lance immediately looked away and Keith narrowed his eyes. He crossed his arms in front of him and waited for a decent reply, in which he never got.

 

Lance crossed his arms too and shook his head. “Nope. Nah uh. I'm just gonna walk home and pretend I never saw you or your mullet tonight.”

 

“You're such a child.” Keith rolled his eyes. “Fine. If you seriously want to go back to your place, be my guest. But I'll take you on my bike.”

 

“No, really, Keith-" Lance tried to protest, but Keith wasn't having any of it.

 

“I'm not letting you wander town at this hour alone. I don't think you understand that Earth has hostiles just like space did. And we don't have gigantic mechatronic lions or our bayards here to protect us.”

 

Lance went silent again, except this time it wasn't so much that horrible, dead weight, heart stopped, silence of Lance’s, but one that merely showed that he was out of argument. Keith felt victory in his veins and turned on his heel, beckoning Lance to follow.

 

It wasn't a short walk, but it was a lot more pleasant than the walk  _ to _ the diner had been with another person at his side.

 

-/-

 

Lance had been to Keith’s place before. Except, he'd never been to Keith’s place when it seemed as though Keith had not been expecting company.

 

What was to be said of the place? Sparse furniture and minimal personal belongings to start with. Dishes in the sink, trash on the counters, unfolded blankets on the couch, were all things Lance had  _ not  _ been expecting from King Moody and Broody and perfect in everything he did.

 

“When’s the last time you cleaned this place?” Lance asked, eyeing the counters. He saw Keith eye them too before he entered the living room.

 

“Let me just find my keys.” He said, ignoring Lance's question and shuffling through his living room. It was odd to watch. Not only the horrible domesticity of seeing  _ Keith _ of all people in a normal everyday looking apartment, but the so out of place behavior that Keith had been displaying all night. No, all morning? Yeah, Lance hated being up at two in the morning. Crap, it was three now, wasn't it?

 

Why was Keith up at all? He was obviously tired. He may not have the full baggage set that Lance did under his eyes, but it was easy to tell in other ways. The sluggish way he moved. The silent, tiny yawns he bit into his knuckled fists. It all made Lance even  _ more  _ tired watching it. Which was not good. At all.

 

But why did Keith seem so jittery if he was this exhausted? At the diner his leg would not stop bouncing and his fingers would not stop drumming. When they’d been walking back to Keith’s apartment, Keith had fidgeted relentlessly with his fingers and the hair at the nape of his neck and the edges of his shirt.

 

Maybe Lance wasn't the only one having nightmares. Or maybe Keith had just had too much coffee before bed.

 

Lance had never seen him act this way in the castle. Yeah, Keith had been a bit of a training junkie and sometimes Lance would catch him beating up on the gladiators in the middle of their designated “night time” on the ship, but, really, it had never been like this.

 

Now Lance understood why Keith didn't want him wandering alone like this. Lance really didn't want Keith driving when he was this tired either. He didn't like the idea that Keith had been out at all when he could see now that he was practically moments away from crashing.

 

So Lance knew what he needed to do.

 

“Ugghhh.” He groaned and flopped down onto the sofa he'd been standing next to. He landed on the blanket that'd been sprawled over it before him and noted it smelled like Keith. He briefly wondered why humans had such distinct individual smells instead of an identifiable mixture of known odors. Why couldn't he smell someone and go 'Ah, yes. Apple pie with a hint of lavender.’ No. If a human being were to ever smell like something like that there would always be that underlying smell of  _ just them _ .

 

“Uh, Lance?” Keith asked and Lance came back to his senses. He looked up, taking his face away from the blanket.

 

“Too tired.” He declared drowsily and he really didn't need to pretend. “Not moving.”

 

Keith gave him a funny look then rolled his eyes. “Fine. Crash here. Be right back.”

 

And with that Keith shuffled away. Lance wandered what he was doing but started nodding off instead. He was thankful when Keith came back, dumping a mound of pillows and blankets on him.

 

“Make yourself comfortable.” Keith said, looking ready to drop. “Night.” And without another word, Keith disappeared into the next room, supposedly going to bed.

 

Lance sat up, blinking rapidly. Damn it, he had almost gone to sleep! He had to be more careful about that. Especially if he was going to be spending the night there. If he fell into unconsciousness, who knew  _ what _ would wake him up.

 

So, sitting up quickly, Lance pitched the pillows and blankets to the opposite side of the couch, avoiding any reason to make himself comfortable for the night. Then he found the remote to the TV and flipped it on, changing channels until he found an interesting station. He hadn't watched Nick At Nite in a while, but The Fresh Prince was calling his name.

 

Not five minutes later, Lance heard the creaking of a door and turned to find Keith walking in, fully awake as if the drowsiness from before had never happened. Lance furrowed his brows, mostly in confusion, but there was concern there too.

 

Keith silently came to sit on the side of the couch with all the blankets and pillows, in no time burrowing himself beneath the mound like a fort made for one. Without breaking his gaze from the screen of the TV he asked, “So what are we watching?”

 

“Um…” Lance responded intelligently before turning back to the screen as well. “Fresh Prince of Bel Air.”

 

In his perifory he saw Keith nod. It shook the entire structure around him. And once again they lapsed into silence. Even after all of their time in space together, Lance still thought this was possibly the most they had gone without arguing. Or without speaking at all. It wasn't a part of their dynamic, but, to be honest, Lance kind of wished it was. Sure their silences could get uncomfortable and sometimes just plain sad, but if it was always something like this, how it was now, Lance thought he could get used to it.

 

Three turned to four which eventually carried into five. It was five in the morning and neither of them had slept. They both felt its pull though. Lance wished he had another coffee.

 

Between their silences they had talked quietly to one another, as if afraid to break the thin reality of the early morning hours. They'd scooted closer on the couch to hear each other. Not close enough to be uncomfortable or anything, but at a distance where whispers were shared in a sort of conspiratorial murmur. They had been silently watching Friends which had come after The Fresh Prince, but anything the characters said went into one ear and out the other as Lance watched. By this time it almost felt like a dream to be there. In Keith's apartment. Watching old reruns at five in the morning.

 

A dream Lance could never possibly obtain.

 

And when Keith’s head fell against his shoulder, sound asleep, it only confirmed it.

 

“Yeah.” Lance breathed, careful not to stir the sleeping figure. “Definitely a dream.”

 

-/-

 

When morning came, Lance couldn't believe the thing he had been so sure to be a dream was, in fact, real.

 

Sure, it wasn't really morning. It was now two in the afternoon according to the wall clock on the opposite side of the room. Weird, not many people kept those around anymore. He never expected Keith to use one.

 

But that only brought on the memories from the previous night. Finding Keith in that random diner. Walking back to Keith’s apartment. Watching TV with him until Keith had fallen asleep on his shoulder. None of it was a dream.

 

But most of all, Lance had gotten sleep as well. Dreamless sleep. Nightmareless sleep. Decent, pleasant,  _ peaceful _ sleep.

 

And a lot of it too.

 

It had to be a dream. He was going to wake up shivering and scared in his own bed soon enough. The world couldn't be this nice to him.

 

Then someone stirred beside him and Lance’s heart leaped.

 

_ Please let the world be this nice to me. _

 

And then arose Keith, bed headed, blurry eyed, soft morning Keith. He yawned and stretched his arms above his head before turning his way, lifting a hand to stifle the yawn. When he saw Lance he froze midway.

 

Lance smiled, unsure of himself, and lifted a hand. “Hey.”

 

Keith blinked, his mind probably catching up from just being asleep, before he croaked out a “Hey,” too. Then, looking mortified of his own unused voice, startled his frozen hand to slap over his mouth where it had been headed before. His cheeks colored just the slightest bit.

 

Lance chuckled, but it came out nothing like his usual teasing bit. Lance’s eyes widened and his face colored a bit too. He looked away and mumbled a quick “Morning.”

 

There was shifting again next to him and Keith emerged from his blanket cave and off of the couch, on a mission to the kitchen it looked. Lance squacked in offense and immediately went after.

 

“Excuse!” He demanded, coming around the corner to find Keith at the coffee machine. “I greet you good morning and you repay by walking away? What poor etiquette! Didn't your momma teach you any manners?”

 

Keith gave him a look. “Really, Lance?”

 

It only took Lance a second to recognize his mistake and simultaneously flinch at it. “Oh. Shit, ouch. Sorry, man.”

 

“Whatever. Besides, you never said it was a  _ good  _ morning. You just said 'morning'.” Keith pointed out, much to Lance’s displeasure.

 

“It's  _ implied _ , Keith. Geez, we really gotta work on your people skills.”

 

At this Keith shrugged and went back to preparing coffee. At the sight of the coffee Lance was reminded of his night, or, more specifically, the morning he had slept away.

 

He supposed he couldn't have nightmares  _ every _ night, but it was still strange how convenient it was that they'd decided not to bother him that particular one. Maybe it was the unfamiliar territory he was in or the mediocre couch he'd slept on. Maybe it was having another living breathing person in the room.

 

Lance shook away that idea. No, he refused to believe it was  _ Keith _ of all people that had helped with his nightmares. Even after everything they'd been together for out in space and everything Lance had learned about him, about Lance’s feelings toward him, it couldn't be Keith.

 

Lance was roused from his inner turmoil by the sound of ceramic sliding against the countertop. When he looked down there was a mug of black coffee before him, and a pot of sugar and a jug of milk were being slid his way too.

 

“I don't know how you like it.” Keith said, going to pick up his own drink. “This is one beverage I wish we could have had in space.”

 

“Dude, if there had been coffee in space I bet we could have done all the saving in  _ half _ the time.” Lance said, pouring a bit of milk in his coffee. “If not from the caffeine then from the moral support.”

 

Keith laughed at that and Lance’s chest inflated. His eyes snapped up, wanting to catch sight of Keith in that moment before either of them remembered themselves.

 

“If we'd been back in half the time, what do you think we'd be like now?” Lance found himself wondering aloud and thinking to himself as he stared off into space. When he snapped back he caught sight of Keith, a lot paler than before. 

 

Keith shrugged, trying for nonchalance and failing miserably. “I don't really know. I gotta get ready for work though.” He poured the rest of his coffee down the drain and placed the mug in the sink. Then he slid past Lance and out of the kitchen. 

 

Lance frowned. “But it's two in the afternoon.” Then, as if by long last two wires in Lance's brain connected, he nearly jumped out of his skin. “Shit, I'm late for work!”

 

-/-

 

Keith didn't have work that day. It was his day off. He couldn't stay in that kitchen any longer though, couldn't face the question of if they had come back to Earth sooner. It hadn't happened and no one could reverse time to make it so, but just thinking about it made Keith feel guilty.

 

What Lance would have given to come home earlier. What  _ any _ of them probably would have. Even Allura and Coran just wanted peace throughout the galaxy, even when they had no home of their own to go back to. Keith couldn't share those sentiments and he wouldn't change his mind about that. He couldn't go throwing that in his friends’ faces though. They were back on Earth and they were all grateful for it. Why could Keith just be grateful too?

 

Lance had left shortly after Keith had excused himself, shouting something about work and being “so in trouble!” Oddly enough though, Lance’s absence did nothing on Keith’s fried nerves. Weird, they had been perfectly smoothed out when he'd woken up this morning. All the way until Lance had asked that question actually. Not even when he'd mentioned Keith’s mom and brought up that whole Galra thing did Keith feel the normal creeping anxiety up his back.

 

It had been pleasant, peaceful. Keith hadn't slept that well in a while. And the morning - afternoon, whatever - had been just as nice.

 

But of course Lance had to go and ruin it.

 

But that wasn't true either. Lance had been joking. And he'd been asking impossible 'what if’ questions for the fun of it. It had been Keith who'd made a deal of it. It had been Keith who'd shut down the conversation, threw up his walls, and stomped out.

 

Lance was right, which was a statement Keith did not give lightly. He really needed to work on his people skills.

 

Keith sighed. Fuck. Lance had been there, right there in front of him. In the flesh after, what, months of not seeing any of them? And Keith still couldn't let down his guard for two seconds. He'd never given any of them a chance, even if they'd wanted to be a family.

 

Of course, with Lance it was slightly different, but Keith knew he would never get there. If he couldn't even trust Shiro completely how was he to let Lance in like that?

 

Keith had trusted them before. Put all his faith in them. But that had been on the battlefield when it was either that or be killed. They'd had to bond to form Voltron and trust to be able to work as a team. Outside of battle when they'd all lounge about the castle though, it was different. They were friends, sometimes friends who knew way too much about one another due to their close quarters. And maybe the others had been able to form a stronger bond in that area. Lance and Hunk we're practically best friends already, but they'd accepted Pidge just as easily.

 

Maybe they could have accepted Keith too if he hadn't been so wary. He could have laughed and joked with them. He could have had a good time. But, all the while, every moment, there was that reminder in the back of his head. People never stayed.

 

It was Keith’s fault they never stayed. He knew this. Because he wouldn't let them in. But even if he did end up letting them in, they would go anyway. They'd see how he truly was. It was better to save himself the heartache.

 

Keith growled moodily, pulling open one of his dresser drawers to find a shirt. “Save the pity party for two in the morning, Kogane.” He griped to himself. Once he had gotten dressed, Keith went out to the living room to tidy up a bit. Lance had been right. It had been awhile since he'd cleaned. He'd thought about doing it plenty on the nights he couldn't sleep. Nothing more productive than cleaning, right? Instead he went on runs. It was more active. Less time to think.

 

He'd made it to the couch where the mound of pillows and blankets were when he remembered. His face fell into his hand and he breathed once in and once out. “What an idiot.”

 

Keith immediately went for the door, picking up his helmet and keys on the way and slammed it shut behind him.

 

“That idiot still lives across the damn town.” He huffed as he stalked toward the stairs of his apartment building. Then, he stopped and looked down.

 

“Fuck.” He cursed and turned back to grab his shoes. “Lance better not have gone far.”

 

-/-

 

It turned out Keith had forgotten a lot more than just his shoes that he had to lose time accounting for in that apartment. His jacket. Gloves. An extra helmet. A proper pair of pants instead of the pajamas he was currently wearing. He had no problem wearing whatever he wanted in public, but the pants wouldn't have been very practical for his bike, so he changed. 

 

When he finally left he had to speed his way to his bike and then out to the road. He had no idea where Lance’s place was, but Keith would bet anything Lance would be going the same route they'd taken the night before.

 

And, sure enough, there he was, almost to the diner, actually, when Keith pulled up next to him. Lance looked up, slightly alarmed.

 

“W-what are you doing?” He sputtered.

 

“Giving you a ride.” Keith explained, throwing him the other helmet that had been strapped in. “Unless you'd rather walk for however long it is to your place?”

 

Lance looked sceptical but nodded all the same. “If you're offering, Mullet.” He said with a shrug. Keith patted the seat behind him and noted Lance’s face was a bit red as he stared at the spot. The walk must have taken it out of him.

 

Lance shook himself and swung his leg around, seating himself behind Keith. In less than a second, Keith was aware how close they were and sucked in a breath. When Lance tentatively wound his arms around his midsection, Keith felt like he'd forgotten how the world worked, much less how to breath or operate the vehicle he was supposed to be driving.

 

Then it was Keith’s turn to shake himself. Mentally, though. He gave no outward indication of his inner turmoil.

 

They sped off down the road, both silent for most of the ride apart from Lance’s directions to his place. Keith enjoyed the wind of the ride and the openness of the late afternoon roads. He could go fast and he could feel free. He could escape his worries like this, just as he did on his runs. It wasn't as exerting, but it definitely took enough focus for him to shed himself of the world.

 

When they arrived at Lance’s apartment, Keith stayed on his bike, one foot down to remain steady. Lance got off and gave back the helmet which Keith strapped back in.

 

“Thanks, man.” Lance said.

 

“Don't mention it. You're still gonna be late though.” Keith pointed out. Lance waved it away.

 

“Nah. When I was walking I had already resigned myself to calling in. I'll tell them I'm sick.”

 

Keith nodded and thumbed at the bike handle. He didn't want to leave, yet at the same time he did. He knew he was just keeping Lance up. And he knew that he'd already missed his chances a long time ago for this particular dream.

 

“Alright. I'm going up.” Lance announced. “Thanks again for the ride.”

 

“Yeah.” Was Keith’s only response as they both waved and he watched Lance disappear into his building. Not long after Keith sped off back to his own place.

 

Days went by and Keith still wasn't doing too well in the sleep department. He had been surprised, really, when his body hadn't woken him up the other night when Lance had been there. Well, it had, and that had been when he'd gone out to watch television in the living room, but after that. He'd gotten, what, nine hours of sleep? That's practically a miracle. Unheard of in Keith’s recent sleeping habits.

 

It must have been a fluke. Could it have been a fluke? Yeah, it had to have been, because if it wasn't, that would mean something had caused it.

 

Like sleeping next to Lance.

 

Midnight runs and diner visits had been in Keith’s bones for months now. Every night it seemed he would end up at the brightly lit counter with toast or eggs in front of him. Never coffee. Keith stayed away from caffeine these days.

 

Not once in those nightly visits had Keith seen Lance but that one time days prior. So what exactly brought Lance back that early Thursday morning?

 

“Man, don't tell me this is a daily thing for you.” Was the first thing Lance said upon entering the diner and Keith wanted to smack him.

 

“Don't tell me you're going to make it a daily thing yourself.” He retorted, deliberately skirting the question. Lance just shrugged and sat next to him, the same stool as last time. He ordered a coffee and Keith wrinkled his nose.

 

“It's one in the morning. How can you drink coffee  _ now _ ?” Keith asked, using his fork to poke at the scrambled eggs in front of him. He was never really hungry when he frequented the place, but he had to get something to stay. 

 

“You insult my tastes, yet you sit there with  _ ketchup _ on your eggs.” Lance scoffed.

 

“Hey, they're good.” Keith protested, pointing his fork in Lance’s direction now.

 

“I am disgusted.” Lance said, lifting his head away. Keith rolled his eyes when Lance turned back with a smile on his face. “Alright,” he said, “But, seriously dude, do you come here like all the time or is our timing just that good?”

 

Keith ducked his head and cleared his throat. “Well, it's not  _ that  _ weird.” He mumbled, knowing full well that wandering away from his house this late so frequently was, in fact,  _ weird. _

 

Lance paused. Then, “Wait, seriously?”

 

Keith said nothing, determined to not give Lance any more ammunition than he already had.

 

“That is insane.” Lance decided. “Do you ever sleep?”

 

Keith huffed. “What about you? You're here too.” That shut Lance up. Keith almost felt bad about it, if he hadn't been so relieved the conversation had ended.

 

Finally, Keith decided to just leave. He stood and paid for his meal, earning a look from Lance.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Home.” Keith responded.

 

“Alone?” Lance asked, sounding almost alarmed. Keith turned to him, lifting one eyebrow.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Lance stood, forgetting his coffee to hold Keith by the shoulders. He wasn't gripping hard, not like the times after battle and Lance was telling him to hold it together or needed someone to hold  _ him  _ together. Lance was just keeping him in place, ensuring eye contact and understanding.

 

“No offense,” Lance started and Keith was ready to take offense, “But I've seen where you live. I don't judge your choices or anything - well, at least in living arrangement - but I don't think it's wise to be walking alone around there, yah know?”

 

“I do it all the time, Lance. I can take care of myself.”

 

“Yeah yeah, that's obvious enough.”

 

Keith moved, sure he had proven his point. He'd punched Sendak. Sparred with Zarkon. Fought countless Galra. Yeah, it was obvious he could take care of himself.

 

“Keith, you idiot.” Lance stopped him just as he was pulling out of his grip. His hand was wrapped around Keith’s wrist and Keith almost malfunctioned. His gaze went from the wrist to Lance's face to the wrist again. “You know this is like the exact argument you had with me the other day.”

 

Keith stopped, recalling the conversation. It did have similarities he supposed…

 

“I don't live that far. I won't fall asleep on my way back.” Was the only thing Keith could come up with, but Lance was already fishing out his wallet. Once he'd paid he made for the door.

 

“Come on. Let's go.”

 

And, even in all Keith’s reluctance, he followed.

 

-/-

 

Lance wasn't quite sure how it happened, but the diner became a habit for him. Everytime he went in, there was Keith, sitting in his normal stool, poking at some food he had absolutely no interest in eating.

 

And, because the diner had become habit, so had sleeping on Keith’s couch.

 

And, because sleeping on Keith’s couch had, watching TV late with him had too. And because of that, sleeping next to him was now a normal thing.

 

And so were nightmareless nights.

 

It was… kind of nice. In the weirdest way.

 

And there was definitely no arguing that it helped. Some how. Lance liked to think that it was some sort of magic spell over the couch he was sleeping on that gave it the effects of a dreamcatcher. Or maybe the blanket Keith always gave him, the one that smelled like its owner.

 

Actually. No, nevermind. He retracted that statement. It was definitely the couch. Not the blanket and certainly not the person sleeping next to him. Nope. Never.

 

It was nice getting sleep for a change. Oddly enough, he couldn't remember having such restful sleep since… well, since the castle ship. He supposed it must have been because of their everyday happenings aboard that ship. It was battle or training or planning twenty four/seven when they'd been in space - or whatever time frame they'd used (Altean time wasn't twenty four/seven). Even after the years he'd spent on that ship he still didn't get it.

 

But now that they were back on Earth, living the lives of civilians, things were different. He dreamed of planets and alien species. He dreamed of Blue’s comforting presence, one he would never feel again. Those were the good dreams, if not a little bittersweet.

 

The nightmares were a lot more confusing.

 

Fighting for his life. Fighting for his friends’ lives and the lives of alien species, whole planets, the universe. All that responsibility crashing onto their shoulders, resting on one battle. Then another battle. Each battle the fight of everyone’s lives.

 

He dreamed of things that hadn't come true too. His friends’ deaths. Blue roaring in pain. Dying without ever getting to see his family again.

 

Whenever Lance had felt out of it out there, he'd always gone to Blue. Blue understood. Blue was the most comforting presence in possibly all of Lance’s life. She rivaled even his own mother for the position, though it was still a toss up for the most part.

 

When he would have bad dreams in the castle, he would go to Blue, just like he used to crawl into his parents’ bed as a little kid. It was still different though. His mother worried so much over him, especially now that he was back after years of being missing. Lance hated making her worry. She already had so much on her plate.

 

Blue was different. They were linked in a way that was just unlike anything else. Blue could be concerned, but she didn't worry. She knew Lance and she trusted him completely, just as he did her. She didn't expect things like explanation, only that he stayed true to himself as the Blue Paladin.

 

But now Lance didn't have that comfort. Blue was probably millions of galaxies away, sitting in the Castle of Lions and awaiting a day when Voltron was needed by the universe again. Waiting for the day she would pick a new paladin.

 

Now, here he was. Earthbound and cozying up next to his sworn rival on said rival’s couch at three in the morning. And already he was feeling sleepy. Lance had work in the morning so he would have to get up a lot earlier than the first time he'd slept on Keith’s couch, but if he was already dropping off at three then he thought he had a good chance of getting at least a few hours of sleep.

 

That is, if he didn't have any nightmares. But he hadn't had a single one in the time he'd slept there, so Lance was pretty confident he could make it.

 

Then Keith stood up. “I'm going to bed.” He announced without looking at Lance. Lance froze. He wanted to protest, but stopped himself just in time. What the hell would he even protest for?

 

So when Keith slipped out, Lance was staring at the empty space he had left behind.

 

_This is fine. I can sleep like this. It's the couch, remember? The couch helps me sleep. Not_ **_Keith._**

 

But Lance could not deny the uneasiness that crawled over his skin at being alone. The apartment seemed so strange to him now. The corners, darker. The TV’s lights, sharper. The space, emptier.

 

For once Lance really thought through everything. What was he doing there?

 

_ I’m crashing at an old teammate’s apartment so I won’t have bad dreams.  _ He thought, realizing how insane that sounded.  _ That’s like if I had decided to drop in on an old schoolmate or something! I haven’t see Keith in over a year; why the hell would I think it’d be alright to come crash at his place? _

 

Lance was frozen in horror, wanting to pull the blanket around him closer, yet afraid to do so. It wasn’t his blanket and this wasn’t his couch. He had no right to be there.

 

_ I’m using Keith.  _ He thought, breathing harder as his mind spiraled in confusing loops and dips. _ I'm using him so I won't have so many nightmares. Whatever it might be, even if it's just this couch or this blanket or whatever. I'm using him. I'm intruding on his apartment just for my own gain. _

 

And suddenly Lance felt very overwhelmed.

 

_ I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be bothering him like this. Yeah we were teammates. Maybe even buddies at one point or another. We went through space and defended the universe together. But that was it. It ended once we got back to Earth. Keith probably didn't want to see me ever again. And here I am- _

 

Lance couldn't stop his mind from spinning. He was close to hyperventilation at one point but only just kept it at bay.

 

_ I went back to that diner to see Keith. It had been so long and, oddly enough, I had  _ **_missed_ ** _ that mullet. I didn't want to lay around and wait for the inevitable sleep and nightmares. I wanted to see Keith again because- _

 

Lance swallowed a huge lob that had built in his throat. He couldn't be here. Those were old feelings. Suppressed feelings from the Garrison. Realized feelings from the castle ship.  _ Not _ feelings for Earth. For home. For the fucked up existence he was now living.

 

Keith would never feel the same. Lance was just the burden in his living room. Lance would always just be one of those guys Keith flew around in space with. How could he have forgotten?

 

Lance couldn't stay there. So, without a word or even a thought to it, he stood and left the apartment.

 

It was a lot longer walk than  _ to _ the diner, but Lance didn't care about that extra distance now. He wouldn't be getting any sleep anyway.

 

-/-

 

Lance hadn't gone to the diner in a few days. He'd also been having more nightmares. But correlation is not causation, kids.

 

The correlation still sucked though and Lance was feeling its full effects. He'd been caught yawning too many times in the restaurant he worked at, a part time job while he still attended college. He wanted to do something with his life, even if it wasn't saving people in outer space. On Earth, though, you needed a degree for most of the jobs Lance was considering.

 

Which was one of Lance’s favorite excuses. If someone asked why he looked so tired, he could just tell them he'd been studying. It wasn't always a lie. Good grades called for sleep deprivation from even the best of students. Especially the best of students.

 

But it was starting to affect his work, which would only leak into his grades and study too. Lance was a bit worried, but still not worried enough to go to the diner. In fact, the thought of seeing Keith again made him more worried than work _ or  _ grades. Yeah, Lance never said his priorities were the most sound.

 

When Hunk showed up that weekend, Lance didn't know if it was blessing or curse that led to it. In the end, there was no arguing that Hunk was a saint himself when Lance found out he'd brought cookies.

 

“Hunk, you are my lord and savior.” Lance declared upon snatching away the proffered pastries. He opened the container and took one to bite into, melting into the sweet goodness. Mouth still full, Lance thanked his friend.

 

Hunk pat his shoulder, letting himself into the apartment Lance had blocked the way from after seeing the gift Hunk had brought him. “Yeah, you love me.” Hunk said, smile pulling at his lips as he tried to walk away like he owned the place. He practically did. Even though Hunk lived a bit far and hadn't frequented Lance’s new place many times, any space that was Lance’s was always Hunk’s and vice versa.

 

Lance went over and plopped his butt on the couch, letting Hunk put his stuff on the kitchen table before making his way back into the room. When Hunk looked down on him, sprawled across the sofa, Lance sighed.

 

“Huuuunk, I don't want to get up!” he whined and Hunk rolled his eyes.

 

“I've been here for two minutes, Lance. You can't play gracious host for even that long?”

 

“Pssh!” Lance waved his arm at the absurd comment. “I don't need to play host with you.”

 

“Yeah,” Hunk agreed, moving forward to lift Lance partially off the couch; Lance squawked indignantly, “But you could at least sit up and give me room.” Then Hunk sat down, dropping Lance again so that he was lounging half in his lap. Lance was cool with that and crossed his arms behind his head to show how comfortable he was.

 

“Why would I do that when you just do it for me anyway?” Lance asked, teasing. Hunk shook his head and dug around for the remote, knowing Lance enough to look in the couch cushions before the coffee table. When he'd procured it from the crevices which it'd hid, he started to channel surf.

 

“What do you want to watch?” He asked and Lance thought for a second before shrugging. It was easy hanging out with Hunk. They were best friends. He'd known Hunk for as long as he could remember and they had a bond that surpassed even his and Blue’s in some ways.

 

So lounging around, watching TV or chatting was completely normal to them. No catching up required. If it was important enough to say it, they just would.

 

Which was why the difficulty in which Lance’s brimming question was so confusing to him. He told Hunk pretty much anything and everything. He’d always been the one Lance had gone to when he’d needed human comfort aboard the castle ship and they’d shared their homesickness together. Their relationship went from the most serious to the most trivial; sometimes even in the blink of an eye if the situation called for it. 

 

And, one of the best parts, they just  _ knew  _ each other. They could each tell when something was up with the other. They could sit in peaceable silence. And they could spend a whole hour passing Lance’s phone back and forth as Lance showed his friend the memes he was scrolling through online, as all the while they laughed at Wipe Out on the television.

 

But, like was just said, they knew each other enough that Hunk immediately caught on when something was bothering his friend.

 

“You're quiet.” Hunk noted and it only made Lance more worried over what he wanted to ask.

 

“I'm allowed to be quiet.” He said, finally sitting up from where he'd been laying on Hunk’s lap over these past hours. He turned to look at his friend and could practically see Hunk reading him like a book. “We're quiet sometimes.” Lance tried again.

 

Hunk shrugged. “I know. It just seemed like something was bugging you.” He said it so cooly, like everything would be fine even if Lance just wanted to blow it all away and never speak of it again. Lance liked that about his friend. He didn't pry. At least, not unless to situation really called for it.

 

Lance shifted. “Well…” he started, even unsure himself what he was trying to say. Lance chewed on his lip as Hunk gave him his full attention. “Do you ever… miss it? Space? Voltron?”

 

Hunk apparently, had not been expecting this, as his face contorted in surprise. “Oh.” He said and scratched his head. “Yeah, sometimes.”

 

Lance let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. “Really?”

 

“Sure.” Hunk replied. “I miss Allura and Coran. I miss Yellow.”

 

Lance nodded and sighed. “I miss Blue.”

 

Hunk smiled. “Yeah, it's not that weird to miss it. And miss her. Voltron was a big part of our lives. I mean, dude, we were flying giant mechanical cats.”

 

This earned a laugh from Lance. “You're not wrong.” Lance smiled at the thought. Hunk missed it too. The others probably as well. Maybe he'd ask Keith- 

 

Lance frowned. “Do you ever miss anything else about it?”

 

“Like what?”

 

Lance shrugged. “I don't know. Like, it was simpler up there. As weird as that sounds.” Lance laughed. “We saved the universe. We formed Voltron. We ate food goo. Now sometimes I don't know what to do.”

 

Hunk was silent for a second. “I think that's how we all feel. Just, getting used to being back here, on Earth. Trying to fit back in with our families and lives. I missed my sister's wedding and my nephew being born. Pidge's mom was convinced her whole family was dead or missing. I think it'll just take some time for this all to seem real again.”

 

“We've been back for over a year.” Lance pointed out.

 

“And we were gone for a lot longer.” Hunk countered. Lance stayed silent.

 

And silence lapsed between them for a while. Not an awkward one, it was never awkward between them. It wasn't necessarily a normal, calm one either. Thoughts buzzed between them, unspoken.

 

Eventually, Hunk spoke up. “Sometimes I miss Shay too.”

 

And Lance’s heart broke for his friend then. And it broke for everyone they would probably never see again. Shay. Allura. Coran. The Lions and every friend they'd made throughout their trek of the universe. They were unreachable to them. Just as if they were dead.

 

And even for each other. His heart kind of broke a little for his friends still on Earth. He hadn't seen Pidge or Shiro in so long. As if Voltron had never happened. They were so far out of his reach. Even Keith, who'd he'd just seen the other day.

 

He missed things how they used to be. Lance missed his friends.

 

But he didn't have to miss his friends, did he? Hunk, Pidge, Shiro, Keith. They were still on Earth. He could see them.

 

And he knew the first step he would have to take to make that happen.

 

-/-

 

Keith wasn't sure what he did wrong.

 

No, scratch that. He didn't know if he even  _ had _ done something wrong. But hell if his brain’s going to let him believe that. For some reason, his brain was shouting  _ You fucked up! You fucked up! You fucked up! _

 

And, if anything, it only made his internal clock all the more fucked. Screw sleep, am I right?

 

Keith rubbed his face, trying to wipe away traces of the permanent fatigue that seemed to have him in its hold. Everything just sucked at the moment. Keith wasn't going to lie. He was exhausted. His feet dragged against the ground. Furniture seemed to find it funny to jump out and trip him up. He was hating life.

 

He knew he just needed sleep, but knowing something and making it happen were on two completely separate spectrums.

 

There was only one upside to a day like this.

 

Keith, finally home from an extra long day at work, practically slammed open his apartment door. He didn't even make it to his own room with his own comfortable bed. Collapsing on the couch, Keith only had time to hug a pillow close to his chest before he dozed off.

 

It was one of the pillows Lance used when he'd crashed there.

 

When he woke up, it turned out he'd nearly slept the night away. It was five in the morning now. He could live with that.

 

Keith let out a sigh. He was content. Comfortable. His living room was dark without the TV to illuminate it and Keith pulled the pillow at his chest closer, serene enough to just stare into the never ending darkness. There were small lights on the cable box and Keith watched a green one blink. On and off. A steady rhythm.

 

His breathing matched it's rhythm.

 

Keith stayed there for an hour according to the wall clock, in which he could barely make out the numbers of. It was the longest he'd stayed still in quite some time. It was peaceful.

 

When he felt like moving after the clock had struck six, Keith didn't fight it. He rose and shuffled to the coffee machine. He deserved a cup; it had been too long.

 

When he thought about it, it really  _ hadn’t  _ been that long though. Many mornings that he'd successfully had a good night’s sleep when Lance had been there, Keith had rewarded himself by drinking a cup with Lance. He'd actually gotten a new flavor the day before the last time Lance had been there to try out. It was a caramel type thing and, while Keith wasn't too much a fan, he knew Lance loved his sugar.

 

Too bad Lance had left before he'd gotten to try it. Now it stood as a sort of statement in Keith’s cupboard _ : Don't get attached. People always leave. _

 

Keith didn't want to brew the thing and he probably never would. It had been something silly he'd gotten spur of the moment at the grocery store and had meant it really more for Lance than himself anyway.

 

That morning, Keith prepared his coffee black. It was bitter, but he was still too lazy to get the milk and sugar out, even if it was for a treat.

 

It was his day off. He had too many of those for a busy body like him in his opinion. Off days just gave him more time to pace a hole into the floor. Usually he decided to go to the gym instead, which, currently, was what he’d decided to occupy his entire day with.

 

But when he got home, he knew there was only one fate in store for him.

 

He arrived at the diner around one that night. Before going in, he leaned against the building, back to one of the brick walls at the corners where the windows didn't reach, and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. It wasn't a habit he was proud of, but it had become a much needed distraction as of late.

 

After lighting one and taking a long drag, Keith slid down the wall to sit on the cement, arms propped on his knees where he watched the glowing cherry of the stick. His foot stopped tapping and his breath became a little steadier. He was still pumped with adrenaline from the run over there, but he was slowly winding down.

 

Keith sucked in another puff and let his head lie back against the wall, creating a smoke cloud above his head. He stayed there until he lost track of time, much like he had this morning. Maybe he was getting better. Maybe there was a chance he could get a handle on this sleeping dilemma.

 

Keith was bringing the cigarette back up to his face when it was abruptly snatched from his fingers, accompanied by an indignant, “What the hell?”

 

Keith leapt back into his body, all nerves and adrenaline, buzzing all over again. His eyes snapped open and he was ready to jump to his feet if he hadn't seen the figure standing before him.

 

“Lance?” This wasn't the first time Lance had surprised him with his presence at that diner.

 

“What is this?” Lance asked, waving around the white paper wrapped tobacco. Keith gave him an incredulous stare.

 

“You mean the smoke?”

 

“Yeah, I mean the smoke!” Lance tried to fold his arms, forgetting the cigarette in his grip until it almost burned him. “What are you smoking for?”

 

Keith was dumbfounded. Was Lance seriously making a big deal about this? “What's your problem?” He demanded. Lance looked utterly scandalized.

 

“ _ My  _ problem?  _ You _ are the one putting this- this- this cancer in your body!”

 

Keith snorted. “Seriously? The cancer thing?”

 

“What do you mean 'the cancer thing’? Of course the cancer thing! I don't know if you got the memo, but these things will fuck up your lungs.” Lance threw the smoke to the ground and, before Keith could get to it, squashed it with his shoe.

 

Keith scowled up at him. “You  _ know. _ ” He said, getting up now. “The sun gives you cancer too, but you don't see people avoiding  _ it _ .”

 

Lance sputtered, scoffing and opening and closing his mouth like he wanted to say something but couldn't think of what. He looked  _ angry _ . Not Lance who will tease you to no end, but seriously angry.

 

Finally, he got out, “God, no wonder you never sleep.”

 

This stopped Keith. He hadn't been expecting this. “What?”

 

Lance sighed, rubbing his face. “Cigarettes are a stimulant. Like caffeine.”

 

“Yeah?” Keith said, like he still didn't get it. But Lance had a point. Keith knew they were stimulants which had been one of the main reasons he'd originally avoided them in his life, the other, of course, to take care of his body.

 

But he'd needed a distraction. Something to do. It wasn't much and it definitely didn't help, but what could be more distracting than sabotaging his own health?

 

God, Keith was a wreck.

 

But he really didn't need Lance of all people reminding him.

 

“What are you doing here anyway?” Keith asked, looking away.

 

Lance paused, catching up to the direction Keith had suddenly taken them. “What, am I not allowed? I was under the impression this diner was open to the public.”

 

“You're insufferable.” Keith said, turning and stomping away. Behind him he heard Lance jogging to catch up.

 

“Hey, wait! Where are you going?” Lance asked, now walking next to him. Damn his long legs.

 

“Home.” He replied, remembering a time he had said that exact thing not long ago to Lance in a lot less hostile way.

 

“You already done at the diner? Man,  _ that's  _ why you weren't there yesterday. You must have come in way earlier than usual.”

 

Suddenly, Keith stopped. “Yesterday?”

 

Lance turned sheepish, scratching the back of his neck. “Uh, yeah. I came yesterday, but you weren't here.”

 

“Oh.” Keith's voice sounded a lot smaller all of a sudden.

 

“Yeah.”

 

They stood there, each waiting for the other to speak but neither coming forward to do it themselves. Eventually, it was Keith who spoke up.

 

“Um, so you want to watch TV?” Keith almost flinched at the suggestion. Sure, that had been what they'd been doing most nights, but Lance had been avoiding him, hadn't he? He may not have wanted to go to Keith’s apartment this time. Maybe he'd come to properly say to Keith  _ “Yeah, sorry, but I'm not gonna be coming back anymore. Thanks for letting me crash at your place for a while though!” _

 

But that didn't happen at all. Instead, Lance brightened. “Yeah!” 

 

Then he shrunk a little. “I mean, if that’d be okay…”

 

Keith dared to let a smile through. “Yeah. That would be great.”

 

-/-

 

They'd been sitting on the couch, watching a rerun of Full House when it started to pour outside. Keith caught Lance looking and his heart softened. The next thing he knew, he was standing and making his way over to the window.

 

“It looks like you got back to it.” He said, not much thinking at all in the serene ambience that was the apartment.

 

“Huh?” Lance asked, still at his spot on the couch. Keith looked back, for once unafraid of his possibly intruding comments.

 

“The rain.” He motioned to the window and turned back to it. “What was it like the first time you saw it after coming back?”

 

Lance was getting up now, making his way to get a better view of the weather. The night blotted out most of it.

 

“It was spectacular.” Lance reminisced. “I don't remember being so excited in my life. Well, maybe apart from seeing my family again, but that also came with nervousness.” He laughed and Keith smiled as the fond memory seemed to play out in Lance’s head.

 

“Want to open the window?” Keith suggested and Lance didn't need any other prompt to step forward and unlatch it, pushing it up. A gust of fresh air went through and Keith breathed it in. The smell of rain had always been pleasant to him.

 

Lance was reaching his arms out of the window, letting spatters of raindrops decorate his skin. Keith leaned against the window, content on watching. This was Lance on Earth. This was Lance with the rain he loved so much. Away from the burden of the universe on their shoulders. Away from the homesickness. Was this a happy Lance?

 

He looked happy. And that made Keith happy. He really wished it didn't, but it did. He liked it when Lance was happy. He liked it when any of his friends were happy. When Pidge was fixated on new alien technology or Hunk had found a delicious new spice or herb from another planet. When Coran was telling his horrible stories and Allura had successfully negotiated peace or alliance with some alien race. Those moments when Shiro didn't look like he had the weight of the world or the burden of his past on his shoulders.

 

Keith didn't want to get attached. He  _ wasn't  _ attached. Well, maybe a little, but not enough he would be broken. He missed them, but he could survive. 

 

Was he surviving?

 

“I missed this so much.” Lance said, startling Keith. “I spent so much time wondering if I'd ever feel drops of water on my arms again. How silly is that?”

 

Keith frowned. “That's not silly.”

 

Lance shrugged his shoulders, arms still outside. He was turning them, as if hoping to get rain over every inch of skin. “I suppose it's not, but what sucks is that I spent so much time thinking on what I missed about Earth that I never really considered what I'd miss about space.” Lance pulled his arms in finally, more or less completely soaked. He paid them no mind. “Hunk and I were talking about that. What about you? You ever miss it?”

 

Keith paused. He knew that the tension now buzzing in the air was one hundred percent his own fault. That was the question, wasn't it? Did he miss space? Hell yeah. Did he want the others to know that? Probably not. They probably missed important things like Allura and Coran and their lions. 

 

They couldn't have missed the castle or the weight of everyday training on their shoulders like Keith did. Maybe they missed different planets, but did they miss the harsh realities they'd experienced out there? It comforted Keith to see that every species, no matter how peaceful, had their problems. Did the rest of the crew see it that way?

 

They all had families and lives back there on Earth. Who was Keith to bring them down from that?

 

“No.” He answered quietly, his voice a ringing lie. “Not really.”

 

Lance looked at him, face scrunched in disbelief. “Not anything?”

 

Keith just shook his head, refusing to look at Lance in return. He kept his gaze on the stormy weather and dark skies outside. He could feel Lance's eyes on him but refused to meet his gaze. Eventually, Lance shifted away.

 

“Okay.”

 

When Lance moved to sit back at the couch, Keith didn't follow. Lance's question was still swimming in his head, reminding him how distant he really was from those he'd been closest to only a year back. It reminded him of Lance's absence and the unopened package of coffee in his cupboard.

 

_ People always leave. _

 

Lance was flipping through channels on the TV when Keith finally moved. And it wasn't in the direction of the sofa.

 

“Where are you going?” Lance asked and Keith heard something in his voice he'd never heard there before. He couldn't figure out what it was.

 

“I'm tired.” Keith lied, not stopping in his pace. He remembered doing the same about a week ago, leaving Lance alone on the couch. Keith hadn't been able to sleep and, naturally, came back out, hoping Lance would be awake too.

 

But he had been gone.

 

Keith had originally gone to bed that night thinking exactly as he did now.  _ Don't get attached. _ It had become a rule of his since the first few times he'd switched between families as a boy. As he'd laid, tossing and turning in bed, he'd rationalized to himself that maybe he could change. It could be nice to let one person in and it was about time he did it with one of his teammates. They deserved his trust.

 

He'd learned soon enough what a horrible idea that had been. And good thing too. He wasn't sure how he'd react if it had gone further. It hurt to break from someone you’d become so close to.

 

Keith was determined this time not to leave his room, not matter how difficult it was to get to sleep.

 

He didn't look at Lance the entire way to his room. When his door clicked shut, Keith collapsed on his bed and stared at his ceiling. He'd grown to know that ceiling way more than he ever hoped he would.

 

Keith tried - he really did - but sleep was an obstacle he couldn't hurdle. He couldn’t even doze off tonight. He just wasn’t tired, but he knew not getting sleep would mean a hellish time at work the next day. So he kept trying and kept failing. Counted sheep and the ridges above him in the ceiling. Hummed a lullaby, though he was quite certain he’d never been sung one in his life. There were breathing exercises and muscle relaxation techniques. He’d researched into it over the months, found a million different tips, but none seemed to work.

 

It was a pain in the ass. Why did his brain have to do this to him?

 

He had begun to trace the lines in the ceiling with a fingertip, arm stretched far above his head and swinging with the force of gravity, when he realized that he’d given up. “No sleep tonight, I guess.” He groaned as he sat up. He sighed as he swung his legs off the bed, and was to the door before he realized what he was doing.

 

Keith stared at his hand on the doorknob while he silently berated himself. He wasn’t going out there. He didn’t need Lance to get to sleep. He didn’t need the warmth of a body next to his or the glow of the TV over their faces or the sound of another person breathing. He never had, so why should he now?

 

But it wouldn’t hurt to slip in an out of the living room, would it? Just to the kitchen and back for a cup of water. He was parched, after all. And it would put his mind to rest on the topic if Lance had left. With the knowledge of if Lance was in the next room or not, Keith would be able to sleep, right?

 

Something nagged at Keith that it would not at all, but he decided that it was better than staying awake from  _ not knowing. _

 

So he pulled open the door and walked out. To find...

 

Lance. Laying on the couch, fast asleep.

 

So he was still there. Keith released a breath he had been holding, somehow, without knowing. There he was, the former Blue Paladin, curled up on his couch under a blanket Keith had left on the couch before Lance had even been there the first time and had left there ever since. He had pillows and other blankets too because Keith liked to keep many in his apartment for the winter, but that particular blanket Lance held close to him.

 

Keith stepped closer only to stop. Lance was there.That had been all he’d been wondering. Now he will go to the kitchen, get a glass of water, and make his way immediately back to the cave in which he dwelled.

 

But before Keith could turn away, Lance made a noise, scaring Keith and petrifying him into thinking he had been caught staring down at the sleeping guy. Frozen to the spot and once he’d calmed down, Keith realized Lance’s eyes weren’t open. In fact, they were squeezed shut, eyebrows furrowed, in a way that was definitely not a peaceful sleep.

 

Was he having a nightmare? Keith shuffled forward, not sure what he would do, but needing to help in some way. Lance whimpered again and Keith’s heart leaped into his throat. He scrambled around his head for something he could do. He’d never had to deal with someone else’s nightmares before. When Keith was a kid he’d wake up from one and have to stay where he was, darting his eyes around in paranoia for the rest of the night. Never a parent’s bed to climb into or a sibling to check the closet for monsters. 

 

So when Keith’s hand came up to lie gently on Lance’s shoulder, he was impressed by the sheer automatic reaction of it. He was too busy staring at his hand in surprise that he didn’t even notice Lance calm down, his brow smoothing back into place and breathing even out. When he did, he was even more shocked. Had  _ he _ done that?

 

Keith retracted his hand. This was freaky. Keith didn’t have a calming affect on people - not like Shiro did. Even to an unconscious person he severely doubted his abilities to help. Yet the evidence was there.

 

Keith stepped away. Lance helped him sleep; there was no denying this. But could it be that  _ he _ helped Lance as well? Why else would Lance keep coming back? He knew Lance must have trouble with it if he kept coming to the diner at one in the morning, but  _ Keith _ ? Of all people? Help with something that isn’t knocking heads? No.

 

Keith went into the kitchen to get that water. He wasn’t thirsty, but he still felt like he needed a reason for coming out of his room. Other than to check to see if Lance was still there, that is. He spent more time getting his water than was probably necessary, though. Anything to keep him from going back to the tossing and turning he was accustomed to. Perhaps he would give up on sleep altogether and scroll through some sort of social media he cared nothing about. That always seemed to sap away unneeded time.

 

He emptied his glass and refilled it, taking it from the kitchen. He wouldn’t leave his room again that night and that was final. If Lance was gone by morning then he would know then. No more checking. No more letting his curiosity get to him. No more-

 

He heard another whimper when he passed by the couch again. When he approached it he noticed Lance’s brows were down in a deep arrow again, face contorted into a painful expression. His head was tossing back and forth and Keith panicked a bit. He tried what he had done last time, putting his hand on Lance’s shoulder, but nothing happened.

 

Quickly, he put his glass down on the side table and went to the other side of the sofa so he could shake Lance awake. It was the only thing he could think of to do. He wasn’t good at the whole comforting thing, and, if  _ he _ had been the one locked in a nightmare, he’d want someone to get him out.

 

He sat himself on the edge of the couch, leaning over to grip Lance’s shoulders. Almost as if on impact, Lance jolted awake, breath catching and eyes darting. Keith immediately let go and gave him space. He still sat on the couch, wanting to be close in case he needed it, but leaned back so Lance wouldn’t feel crowded. Should he get up? Was this enough space? Or maybe Lance wanted to know someone was there? He was a touchy feely kind of guy, right? But he never had been that way with Keith, so maybe that would just be weird to be in his personal bubble like that. Keith had no idea what to do.

 

“Lance, it’s okay.” He said, settling on switching his position into a flighty stance. If Lance needed room, he’d be up and across the room in only a second. “It was just a dream.”

 

His words sounded lame to his ears, but it was all he could do. It was all that would come to his short circuiting mind.

 

Lance was breathing hard and almost choked when he spoke. “K-Keith?”

 

“Yeah.” Keith responded, uneasy and a little bit desperate. Lance sat up, pushing his hands through his hair.

 

“Oh shit. I’m sorry. I’m really- I just-” Lance scrambled with his words, “I’m sorry.”

 

Keith looked at him incredulously. “Sorry? Why are you sorry?”

 

Lance motioned around. “You know! This mess. I shouldn’t have- I- I should probably go.” He said as he sprang up. Keith did so as well, already prepared and blocking Lance from exiting.

 

“Wait. You’re sorry for having a  _ nightmare _ ?” He asked and, with no response, continued. “You can’t control that. That’s stupid, Lance.”

 

“Yeah, I know. Which is why I shouldn’t be here.”

 

Keith tried not to let that statement strike his heart. It didn’t make sense. He had to get it to make sense. “W-Why shouldn’t you be here?” He asked, trying not to show how afraid of the answer he was. Was Lance trying to tell him why he left before? Why he’s going to end up leaving and never coming back? But they hadn’t even been talking about that before. Maybe- Maybe Keith had crossed some line by waking him up. Maybe Lance didn’t want Keith’s comfort.

 

“Because I’ve been using you, Keith!” Lance suddenly exclaimed.

 

Keith still didn’t understand, but that didn’t stop the arrow that had been shot through his heart from digging in deeper. “W-What?” Keith stepped back once. Lance covered his face.

 

“That came out wrong.” He said, sliding his hands down his cheeks and stretching the skin away from his eyes. It would have looked funny in the right circumstances. “But, yeah. Kind of. I’ve been using you.”

 

Keith stepped back again. He didn’t like the sound of this. He didn’t like the feeling of his heart aching this much.  _ You weren’t supposed to get attached, _ his mind was yelling.  _ He’s leaving, _ his heart said.

 

“When I’m here I sleep better. Next to you or on this couch or with this blanket. I don’t get nightmares and- and, well, I feel at peace for once.” Lance said and Keith stood in place, confused. Was Lance talking about himself or Keith? Next to him Keith felt at peace too. Did Lance really- “It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy hanging out with you, but, yeah, I’ve basically been using you so I can get sleep.”

 

Keith stared at Lance in silence for a full minute after that. Lance stood there awkwardly, taking the strange silence and looking guiltier by the second. Eventually, he decided to speak up again because obviously Keith wasn’t going to.

 

“So I’ll just leave.” Lance stepped away, much like Keith had been doing only a few minutes prior. “I’m sorry for doing this. I hope things won’t be too weird and-” Lance was still leaving and finally something snapped in Keith, allowing him to move.

 

“Wait!” he nearly shouted and Lance stopped. Keith chased after him until he was right in front of Lance. When he stood there, all words went out the window and he was silent again. Damn it. “You’re an idiot.” Damn it again. He really had not meant for that to come out.

 

Lance rolled his eyes, but he wasn’t all humor like usual. “Yeah.”

 

“You don’t have to leave.” Keith tried for different words and this time they seemed to have the desired effect. Lance paused.

 

“What?”

 

Keith wrung his hands. Did he have the guts to say what Lance had? Could he admit to such a thing? Lance thought he was using Keith, but Keith was doing just the same to him. He should tell him. He should open his mouth and tell him right now. But instead what came out was, “I don’t care. You said you enjoy hanging out here, right?”

 

Lance nodded, wide eyed, at that. His shoulders were still slumped and Keith wanted to grip them tight. Then, he realized, Keith wanted to hold him in his arms. Keith blushed severely and looked away. This wasn’t the time for dreams that would not come true.

 

“Then I don’t see a problem with you sleeping here. If it helps you, it helps you.” Keith shrugged and Lance almost gaped at him in his shock.

 

“Seriously?” Lance asked and Keith nodded. “You aren’t weirded out now?” A shake of the head from Keith and Lance simply responded with an “Oh.”

 

Keith rolled his eyes and turned away, thinking about heading back to his room before he said anything else stupid. Before Lance changed his mind and went straight out the door, crippling Keith’s heart. Then, he changed his mind and turned back.

 

“I’m not that tired.” He admitted. Then asked, as he always did, “Want to watch some TV?”

 

In the end, they both ended up sitting side by side on the couch. Neither were tired in the least, but both somehow ended up asleep, almost cuddled in a way to each other. In less than ten minutes.

 

-/-

 

Lance had been thinking a lot about his talk with Hunk. And then his talk with Keith. He thought about a lot of things he and Keith said, like jokes and stories, and even how Keith just  _ let  _ him snooze on his couch whenever he wanted. He had been sure the hotheaded paladin - well, former paladin - would have been offended that Lance was basically  _ using  _ him, but he'd surprised Lance. He always did somehow.

 

But that wasn't where Lance's mind was currently dwelling. What he couldn't get out of his head was Keith’s determined rejection of missing space and Voltron. Yeah, Lance will be the first to say that he's glad to be home, but  _ nothing _ ? For Keith to not miss a single thing? That didn't sound right.

 

Maybe Keith hadn't thought it through very well. Lance knew he must have missed Allura and Coran like the rest of them. And his lion. He and Red had been really close. Closer than Keith was with anyone in Team Voltron and not in the way everyone else was with their lions. Lance had a special relationship with Blue, but that didn't mean he didn't have relationships with the rest of his team too. 

 

Keith… well, Keith was reclusive. He was fun and got along when he was in a good mood (or Lance stopped teasing him long enough just for the chance to see him smile) but it was so different between Keith and the rest of them. Like they tried to look in and see Keith, his personality and interests and all that, but every time Keith just curled up tighter, blocking them and everything else out until he was left in a lightless and lonesome shelter he'd built for himself.

 

He must have missed Red. She had been close to him like none of them could. Maybe even like no one  _ ever _ had been able. From what Lance knew, Keith hadn't had many people in his life before. His mother was Galra, so that had her out of the picture. He'd had Shiro at some point enough that they'd already practically been brothers when Lance had officially met them. As for anyone else, well, Keith had been alone in a desert shack ever since he'd been kicked out of the Garrison, so Lance didn't consider many people had really noticed his absence in normal civilization.

 

And when Lance thought too much about that, he went cold. How long had Keith been alone? Had he ever thought no one would ever find him? What if Lance and Hunk and Pidge  _ had  _ never found him? It might have been just him and Shiro if Keith had managed to get him out, but they never would have gone up to find Allura. Not unless Blue had picked one of them to pilot her.

 

That was possible. Lance had always wondered why she'd picked  _ him _ of all of the people who been there. Would she have picked Keith or Shiro in this alternate universe Lance was making up? Keith had said he'd visited the cave before, but perhaps Blue would have changed her mind. If not him, Lance thought Keith would have been good for Blue. They would have taken care of each other.

 

Lance's mind was always spinning by the time he'd snap out of his thoughts. His mind made up of circles those days, constantly on the same channel. He thought of Keith not missing space. Then Keith  _ missing  _ space. What he might miss about it if he were to ever tell Lance. Then what Lance missed and what he'd say or do or feel if he were ever given the chance to go up there again.

 

Lance would spend hours talking to Coran. He would braid Allura’s hair like she always used to let him. He would fly Blue around and look at the stars and planets and not feel so lonely anymore with her by his side. He would feel normal again, feel a purpose to himself he hadn't for a year and a half, as he and his teammates flew in formation and did what they did best.

 

He missed them all being together more than anything. He missed sitting around on that couch on the ship or eating food goo all at the same table. He missed his teammates like he had missed his family in space.

 

You don't know what you have until it's gone.

 

In space he'd missed earth. On Earth he missed space. It was like everything passed him by. Always looking back and never around. Always the past and never the present.

 

What  _ did _ Lance have now?

 

Immediately he thought:  _ nightmares, no sense of purpose or direction for my life, a guilty conscience for everything from snapping some kid’s crayon in the first grade to the unshakable feeling that he was using Keith. I feel so alone here on Earth. But it was that way in space too. _

 

Lance stopped. That wasn't fair, now was it? He wasn't giving his life credit enough. He wasn't giving  _ Earth _ , the planet he loved and called home, credit enough.

 

But sometimes it was hard looking at the brighter side of life. Lance had always been kind of a pessimist when it came to personal affairs. He hoped the best for everyone else and expected the worst for himself.

 

Lance took a deep breath and sighed. “Okay.” He said to his bedroom ceiling, in his own apartment and not Keith’s for once. He'd just gotten back from a six o'clock class and had been craving smoothies all day. He sat up, making his way toward the kitchen. “Positive. Think positive.”

 

Lance got out the blender and shuffled around the sparse contents of his fridge. Good. He had stuff for smoothies. His day was saved.

 

“I can see my family again.” He started, placing something new on the counter every time he listed another positivity. “I can feel the rain.” Strawberries. “I can go to the beach.” Yogurt. “I can continue school.” Milk. “I don't have to worry about dying everyday.” He chuckled at that one, closing the fridge and lifting himself to his feet to go into the freezer. “No more weight of the literal universe on our shoulders.” 

 

Lance paused, contemplating that one. Sometimes he forgot that he didn't have that weight anymore. Sometimes he felt something crushing him down with the familiar yet strange feeling gravity of Earth and wouldn't know what it was. Would just assume it to be the constant weight he'd always carried.

 

Lance took another deep breath and repeated this one, letting it sink into his bones. “No more weight on my shoulders.” He knew it was a lie. He had plenty of responsibilities and worries, but he let the serene feeling wash briefly over him.

 

Then he scooped the cup he kept in the freezer and filled it to the brim with ice. Setting it on the counter, the ice reminded him of Blue before he turned away to the blender again.

 

He went about making his smoothie and, when it was sufficiently blended, he tasted it. “One more thing…” he leaned over and grabbed a banana from across the counter. Lance was about to peel it when he stopped. “One more positive thing.”

 

“My friends are here too.” He finally said, feeling a whole new weight applied to his being. It wasn't something to heft or balance like what he kept on his shoulders. It was simply an importance. Something light but precious that only had the weight of a value he himself gave to it.

 

Hunk, Pidge, Shiro, Keith. They were all there too. All on Earth and all trying to get by like him. Trying to adapt to civilian life. Earthen life. Life outside what they'd known for years and away from the constant fear for their or someone else’s or everyone else’s lives.

 

And, for a moment, Lance didn't feel so alone.

 

-/-

 

“We should get everyone together again.” Lance said one night at Keith’s place. Today had been the first day they hadn't met at the diner since Lance had first found Keith there. Well, apart from those days Lance hadn't come at all. 

 

Lance still remembered that first night he had come back to the diner after his unofficial leave of absence. How nervous he'd been. And, as much as Lance probably should have said it was for his health and a better sleep, he knew if it had only been for that he would have been much too stubborn to come back at all. No, Lance had come back because he'd wanted to see Keith.

 

It wasn't just the fact that Keith somehow took his nightmares from him that attracted Lance to him. Lance knew well enough from his days at the castle and even the Garrison that Keith had some sort of magnetic pull for Lance specifically. At the Garrison, Lance had always wanted to pull ahead, one up Keith, get Keith to notice him. On the ship, Lance had liked running into him in different places throughout the ship, teasing him, even sparring with him at times.

 

Now, on Earth, he'd found Keith again. And he loved late night TV with him and sipping coffee in the mornings and talking as they walked from the diner back to Keith’s place.

 

Then, that Monday, after Hunk had spent the weekend with him, Lance had decided to go back and Keith hadn't been waiting there for him. And he hadn't come in the whole night Lance had waited. His nervousness had turned into a nasty pain. He'd only done it to himself. Of course Keith wouldn't be waiting when Lance had ditched him for so long.

 

But Lance had decided to try again and boy was he thankful for that.

 

But now wasn't like that. Sure, they hadn't met at the diner, but that was because Keith had texted him beforehand saying that he was super tired and would probably pass out immediately when he got home. 

 

Lance's heart had sunken until another text had popped up.

 

**Keith** : You can come over without an escort from the diner, can't you? Door’s open if you do 

 

So now he was sitting on Keith’s couch next to said owner of the couch. Keith  _ had  _ actually passed out for a while, but somehow he now looked wide awake and was watching TV next to Lance. Man, did this guy really only need two or three hours of sleep a night? Lance couldn't help but be a little jealous of that.

 

But also, noting the bags under the other's eyes, it was a bit worrying. Lance would never say so aloud.  _ He  _ was the one camping out with an old teammate he hadn't seen in a year so his nightmares wouldn't keep him awake. But what if Keith was having nightmares too? Pidge used to have nightmares about losing their family while up in space and Hunk said that even he couldn't get certain things out of his head from the many battles they'd faced.

 

Shiro- well, Shiro was obviously handling how he could. He had a lot in his past to cope with.

 

But that was all testament to what they'd been through out there. Not all of it had been peaceful aliens and beautiful planets. They had seen horrific bloodbaths. Wastelands. Executions and torture and slaughter.

 

Keith had never seemed fazed by it all before, but maybe he was just a good actor like Lance. But instead of hiding the pain behind a smile, his was behind his passive or scowling features. No one was indestructible, Lance realized.

 

“Everyone?” Keith asked, jerking Lance back to reality.

 

“Um, uh, yeah.” Lance said, shaking his head to clear it. “Shiro, Pidge, Hunk, you, and me. We haven't all been together in forever.”

 

“But don't Hunk and Pidge live an hour away? At that tech school?”

 

Lance waved, like the question was easy. “Hunk comes over all the time. Pidge can just grab a ride with him. Then they can crash at my place or something.”

 

Keith seemed cornered for a second, like he really hadn’t expected a question like this, but then his face smoothed and he leaned back into the couch. “Yeah. Do whatever.”

 

Lance frowned. It was moments like these that Lance used to find great opportunity to pick a fight with Keith because, really, who reacts like that to getting together with friends? He knew Keith was more of the lonewolf, introvert, kind of guy, but this was their teammates they were talking about. He almost did pick a fight with him about it; the only thing stopping him was the fact that he had really listened.

 

Keith’s voice, it didn’t sound like he was unhappy about seeing their friends, not disgruntled or pouting or anything of the like. In fact, Keith almost sounded shy, like he was trying to hide himself behind his indifference and the cushions on the sofa. It made Lance do a double take. Keith Kogane was a lot of things, but  _ shy _ ? Unsure of himself in any way? Their mutual bullheadedness was what made them butt heads so frequently and now Lance was supposed to believe Keith was backing down?

 

Lance wanted to call him out then and there, demand what in the hell was up with him. He had been acting funny since Lance had told him about his nightmares the other night. Was that what it was? Was he really upset that Lance was using him but trying to hide it?

 

Noble bastard. Lance was the chivalrous one of this team. Now Mr Keith Kogane was trying to show him up? Damn it; he always did, didn’t he?

 

So Lance just crossed his arms and sat back on the couch, staring holes into the television screen. If Keith wanted to be broody and mysterious and all that cliche stuff, then Lance would let him. He didn’t care. Keith didn’t have to tell him anything.

 

But, if Keith really was upset about Lance’s confession, then Lance wasn’t sure what he would do.

 

-/-

 

Sure enough, Lance had invited everyone by the week’s end to hang out that weekend. Hunk couldn’t take Pidge at first because of some robotics tournament he had that he would have to drive straight there from, but it turned out Matt was looking for something to do and could drive Pidge there for the Team Voltron big day of fun. Either that, or, as Keith suspected, Pidge had actually blackmailed their brother. Whatever it may have been, they were getting a ride.

 

They all met at Lance’s apartment and, as it turned out, Shiro had never been there either. Apparently Lance hadn’t been as close to the others as Keith had originally thought since their homecoming. Fucked up sleep. Strange solitude. Perhaps he and Lance had more in common back there on Earth than Keith had thought.

 

Lance’s place was kind of small, just like Keith’s in a weird way. Keith knew Lance had a smaller apartment because he was still a college student. Keith, on the other hand, had a shitty apartment just so he could stay in the city. He had spent too much time in the desert to ever want to go back. Plus, being able to walk wherever he needed in those years aboard the Castle of Lions had ingrained a new lifestyle in Keith that he was loathe to let go.

 

Matt and Shiro sat on the couch, catching up with one another while Keith, Pidge, and Lance hung around the kitchen. Lance leaned on a counter, Pidge sat with their legs crossed right there on the floor, and Keith had propped himself up on one of the counters, leaning back against his hands. The kitchen was tiny, so they all ended up cramped together, but Keith didn’t mind so much.

 

“Update on Hunk?” Keith asked Pidge and they took their phone out to check.

 

“Says he’ll be here in about five.” They responded and pocketed the device. Keith waited for Lance’s customary ‘He better not be texting and driving’ in which Pidge would respond ‘It’s voice text. It’s safe enough’, but the response never came. Keith looked over to check to see if he was alright.

 

He was met immediately with Lance’s sea blue eyes and startled. Apparently, he’d startled Lance too since the other quickly looked away. Keith vaguely heard Pidge chuckling before he dragged his eyes away from Lance’s flush. Well, the kitchen  _ was  _ pretty crowded. A warm natured guy like Lance must be roasting. Keith looked back at Pidge and their devious smirk and frowned at them. He knew exactly what they were laughing at and he did not appreciate it.

 

When Pidge caught Keith’s unhappy gaze they merely rolled their eyes before talking to Lance again. “So Lance, you and Keith live pretty close now. You guys hang out and stuff?”

 

Keith had to fight back sighing deeply to prepare himself for the shitstorm of not-so-subtle taunts from Pidge throughout the day. Though Keith had never told them explicitly, Pidge had figured out Keith’s true feelings toward Lance back in their Voltron days and now seemed unable to cease this torment of giving him knowing looks and side-eyeing him while they asked Lance questions like this. It was like the little gremlin enjoyed his pain.

 

“Uh, yeah! Totally.” Lance responded, definitely trying to hide his discomfort at the question. Keith didn’t blame him when Pidge was giving him the same wicked smile they’d been sending Keith. Did they not know when to turn that thing off?

 

“So what do you guys do? Get coffee? Go to the movies?” Pidge asked innocently. Too innocently. Keith found himself blushing, imagining doing any of those things with Lance. Like a date. Ugh, Keith really didn’t need this right now.

 

Lance laughed sheepishly, answering, “Well, not really.”

 

Keith chewed on his lip. Telling their friends that they meet up at a diner at one in the morning and spent the night on Keith’s couch seemed like something that would be way too embarrassing to admit. It wasn’t only fuel for Pidge’s tyranny, but also just weird in general. If it didn’t come across as sketchy then it certainly would seem a bit insane.

 

Pidge leaned forward then, sensing some juicy secret. “Oh? What do you guys do then?”

 

Neither Lance nor Keith spoke up, a tense silence building in the room until a knock came from the door and Lance shot up. “I’ll get it!” he shouted and took off. Keith was left with a still inquiring Pidge and smiled uneasily.

 

He pointed to the door of the kitchen and awkwardly excused himself. “I should, uh, maybe, go see Shiro?” Pidge furrowed their eyebrows and was about to protest when Keith bolted too. When he made it out he stopped. Great, now Pidge would  _ never  _ stop trying to figure it out. Not that they hadn’t given them a reason to be suspicious. This was just what Keith needed on this day of Team Voltron fun.

 

He would never make it out of the day alive.

 

-/-

 

When Lance came back from the door with Hunk, they all conferred in the living room, ready to hear out what Lance had in store for this day he had brought them all together for. Keith was expecting them all to lounge around the living room and watch a movie or play a board game, but instead Lance announced that they would be going out. Their destination was to be a surprise though.

 

“Lance, can’t you just tell us where we’re going? We’re going to figure it out before we get there anyway.” Keith said from the backseat, rolling his eyes at Lance’s antics. Lance took this as a challenge it seemed. Damn it. How did everything always turn into a competition between them?

 

“I bet you won’t.” Lance said from his spot behind the wheel. Keith had been stuck with the backseat since Pidge had called shotgun. At least he had Hunk with him. Hunk was nice to him. Unlike  _ some _ people.

 

Two of said people received his glare; Lance for be an idiot and Pidge for the continuous looks they were giving him.

 

“We’ll see about that.” Keith mumbled, taking the bait as always and inevitably roped into another of Lance’s proclaimed rival competitions. He watched the road signs and billboards as they passed in order to find a suitable guess He would show Lance how stupid he was being.

 

Because there wasn’t enough seats in Lance’s car, Shiro and Matt were following them in Matt’s. Which also meant they knew where they were going, in case they got separated and couldn’t follow after. Keith was tempted to text Shiro and ask so he could wipe that smirk off of Lance’s face, but Keith knew Shiro would never tell him. Even if Shiro saw no wrong with it, Matt was in on Lance’s plans to make it a surprise and would convince Shiro not to text back. Matt seemed like a nice enough guy, but he was a Holt for a reason, Keith had to remind himself.

 

Keith leaned against the window while he watched everything go by, trying his best to keep his mind on the task. There had to have been something advertising where they were going. A mall or movie theater or something! Keith may have lived around here, but he sure as hell knew nothing about places of social gathering. It was obvious enough that Keith did not partake in these sorts of things often. While trying to watch each passing sign, though, the world was slowly becoming a blur and his head kept dropping, only to jolt him back awake in its fall.

 

This happened over and over again, dropping off only to blink awake once more at the last moment. Why was he so tired? He’d gotten, what? Four hours of sleep last night? That was actually pretty good for him, so why was he nodding off like this? Soon, Keith just gave in. Someone would wake him up when they got there and he had to take sleep when he could get it.

 

So Keith passed out against the window. The voices of his friends didn’t reach him, nor did the shaking of his head knocking on the glass surface. It was only when a surge went through him that he woke up, blinking awake in a rather disgruntled fashion. He sat up, letting his shoulders sag momentarily at the loss of a chance for sleep. It just wasn’t something his brain or body or whatever it might be liked very much. To be inactive. To rest. He had to be doing something. Be productive and awake.

 

Keith turned back to his friends who didn’t seem to have noticed he’d fallen asleep, or rather cared. Pidge was turned in their seat so they could talk to Hunk. They made brief eye contact with Keith, then turned back to Hunk, elaborating on whatever their conversation had been by spinning one hand in the air. Hunk was nodding, seemingly a lot more understanding of the jargon than Keith felt. Even if he had been there since the beginning of the conversation, he doubted he would have been able to keep up.

 

“And we are here!” Lance announced then and they all turned to see. They’d pulled into a wide parking lot for a building that was practically pulsing with neon lights. The sign on its roof was big enough to be seen from space and Keith wandered if Lance’s intention was to use it as a beacon to hail Allura and Coran.

 

“Bowling?” Pidge asked, reading the sign in case any of them were really that blind.

 

Lance nodded enthusiastically, looking proud of himself. “Yep!” He parked, rather far away from the building despite the many available parking spaces, and leaped out. The rest of them followed at a slower pace. Keith saw Matt pull into a space two over from theirs, impatient enough to not wait until they had gotten out of the way of the ones beside it.

 

When they’d all gotten inside and booked a lane, they went one by one to get their shoes and change into them back at the lane. Keith stood in the background out of habit, getting his own rental shoes last. When he was turning away from the counter to head back to the lane where everyone else was, he nearly ran into Lance who had been standing behind him.

 

“What the hell, Lance?” Keith cursed and backed up.

 

“Sorry, sorry! Didn’t mean to run into you.” Lance apologized, hands up in a placating sort of way. Keith felt bad for snapping like that and ducked his head, trying to sidestep him and get to the lane.

 

“Yeah, okay.” He mumbled, trying to get away, but Lance stepped in front of him again. Keith looked up incredulously, ready to tell Lance off. They had been getting along so well lately too. Was being around the others really all it took for them to revert back to how they’d been before?

 

“Hold up, Kogane.”

 

“Lance-” Keith tried to argue. He really wasn’t in the mood for this.

 

“Just give me a sec, man. I gotta ask you something.” Lance said and Keith paused, giving the other a sceptical glance. “You, uh, “Lance continued, scratching his head in that self conscious sort of way he always did, “Look kind of tired. You alright?”

 

Keith immediately frowned.  _ Lance  _ was asking if  _ he  _ was tired? Lance was at his apartment practically every night. He knew how much sleep Keith got. He’d been there last night too. “I’m fine.” Was his automatic response and started to push through again. Lance grabbed his wrist.

 

“You were falling asleep in the car.” Lance said, doubt etching his face. Damn. So Lance had seen that. Well, it was good to know that it wasn’t showing on his face like he’d thought then.

 

Keith shrugged. “Just dozing. I’ll be fine.”

 

Lance didn’t say anything at first, just continued to give him that doubtful look. Keith stood in place, trying to prove he had nothing to hide. Prove he could very well take care of himself and wouldn’t pass out or whatever Lance seemed to think would happen because of his slight sleep deprivation. He met Lance’s gaze full on, in that challenging sort of way that was so common between the two. It had never been about something so personal though. For once, Keith would rather them fight about something completely trivial.

 

“Are you two gonna get over here already or are you gonna keep standing there and holding hands all day?” Pidge practically shouted across the alley. Lance’s brow furrowed and Keith immediately looked down, noticing his wrist still encircled by Lance’s hand. He quickly detached himself and turned away, blushing.

 

Without another word, Keith stalked over to their friends, not caring if Lance was following - or at least telling himself as much - and trying to hide his furiously reddening face. At the table he sat down, focusing his attentions on throwing his shoes off and pulling the rentals on. He heard Lance come over, talking like he hadn't even been affected by what had happened only a minute prior.

 

Probably because it really wasn't something for Lance to be affected by.

 

“Alright! Because I came up with this brilliant idea I am going first. So step back and watch the master bowl.” Lance said, but Keith still didn't look up. Like hell he was going to give Pidge  _ any  _ more ammo for the day. Even if it was something as stupid as  _ looking Lance’s way _ , it wasn't happening.

 

“You named yourself 'Number One Sharpshooter’?” Keith then heard Shiro say in his usual amused tone he had with the younger teammates’ antics.

 

“Well, of course! I mean, I thought about ‘The Tailor’ which is my usual default, but I haven't used that since my Garrison days, y’know? Then I thought maybe ‘Number One Leg’ but that just wouldn't be fair to my main man, Hunk, because he's way cooler than that would give him credit for.”

 

Keith looked up. Not at Lance but at the screen. Sure enough, there was the name of the first player at the top: ‘#1 Sharpshooter’. All the names below it we're abbreviated until the person’s turn came up, but one thing Keith noticed. There was no K placeholder.

 

“Whatcha name me?” Matt asked, lounging in one of the plastic chairs and feet kicked up on the back of another. Lance gave him a wicked grin in response.  _ Damn it. I looked. _

 

“You'll just have to find out.”

 

Lance bowled a strike. Keith knew this was going to be a long game already.

 

Next up was Shiro, dubbed, simply, 'Dad’. At first he scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, not quite getting the joke, then shrugged and went to bowl. They had called him 'Dad’ and even 'Space Dad’ millions of times when on the castle ship, but he'd never quite gotten it.

 

Then came Hunk. 'BF Goals'.

 

“Does that make me bestfriend or boyfriend goals?” Hunk had asked. 

 

Lance had given him the most serious look in his life. “Yes.”

 

“Aw, Lance.” Had been Hunk’s reaction, placing a hand over his heart.

 

“Love you too, buddy.” Lance mirrored Hunk, but placed both his hands over his own instead of one.

 

After Hunk had bowled (a perfect strike no less. Did those two play bowling in all their spare time?) Pidge was up, given nickname of ‘Gremlin’.

 

“Ha ha, Lance.” Pidge said humorlessly as they approached the weird contraption that spit out the bowling balls. By this time, there were only two slots left, both of them starting with the initial M. Keith had a good idea what his would be.

 

'Meme Overlord’ was next and Matt broke out into the widest grin. “Couldn't have asked for better.” He said as he slung his legs down from the chair they'd been propped over. Lance was sitting across the table from Keith, so Keith took this opportunity to frown at him.

 

“What?” Lance asked, a smug grin on his face. “Offended you're last?”

 

Keith rolled his eyes. “I know what my name is going to be.”

 

“Oh, do you?” Lance gave him another sly smirk and Keith wanted to strangle him. Of course he knew what it was going to fucking say!

 

“Could you try to be more creative?” 

 

“I don't think you know what it's going to be.”

 

“I think you're an idiot.”

 

“An idiot who's tied for the lead.” Lance pointed out. 

 

“We'll see about that.” Keith said and he was so focused on his talk with Lance that he hadn't even noticed Matt sit back down next to him.

 

“Your turn.” Matt said, not really looking their way. Everyone, including Pidge’s brother, was pretty much used to his and Lance’s constant bickering by then.

 

Except, they really didn't fight when it was just the two of them, did they? Maybe disagree, but it rarely turned into the level of bickering it did around their friends.

 

Keith huffed and stood up, facing the scoreboard. His eyes landed on his nickname.

 

'McMullet’ 

 

He paused. Shit. So it wasn't what he'd thought it was going to be.

 

“What is it,  _ Keith _ ?” Lance asked innocently from his chair. “Is something wrong with your name?”

 

“It's still basically what I thought it was going to be.” He said before he stormed off to get his bowling ball. Lance was an idiot. Putting 'Mc’ in front of something didn't change it all that much. It certainly didn't change the meaning.

 

Lining up his shot, Keith thought to himself  _ I’ll wipe that smug look off his face _ before pacing down the lane like all the others had and swinging his arm.

 

The bowling ball was heavier than he'd thought. The swing was awkward. It went approximately five feet before landing right in the gutter.

 

Keith was right about one thing. This was going to be one long game.

 

-/-

 

Lance wasn't sure if Keith had never played bowling before or if he was really just this bad. He was okay with deciding that Mr Perfect At Everything was finally not such a hot shot as he'd thought, but then, on the other hand, his head kept reminding him that it was just as likely that Keith never  _ had _ been bowling. His head should really stay out of his business...

 

“Hey, Keith.” Lance spoke up when Keith sat down after yet another gutterball. He wasn't looking too thrilled with the outing.

 

Keith folded his arms and sunk into his chair like a petulant child when he asked, “What?”

 

“You ever been bowling before?” Lance asked, not sure anyway around the direct question to get his answer. Keith sunk even lower. “I mean, it's not bad. I was just wondering and all…”

 

Keith mumbled and Lance didn't quite hear him. Seeing his puzzled expression, Keith sighed and spoke up. “No. I've never been bowling.”

 

Lance frowned, but tried not to let it show how much that bothered him. It was just bowling, after all. It wasn't a big deal.

 

But he couldn't stop thinking about why that might have been. Because Keith had never had a family to take him? Because he'd never had friends to go with?

 

He couldn't get the visual of Keith out of his head, alone all his life. Alone in a foreign house that he’d switched to every few months. Alone in a new school. Alone at the Garrison, even as Lance was right there trying to one up him on the daily. Then alone in that desert shack.

 

What about in the space castle? Had he been alone there too?

 

Sparring against the gladiators. Lying awake in his room. Roaming the castle.

 

But his teammates had been with him too. Everyone had been alone at one time or another on the space castle. Lance himself had all the time. But they'd all been together too, to pick each other up and laugh and have one another's backs.

 

Just like now. Their teammates were here with them. Pidge was over there explaining to Shiro how they thought they could hack into the scoreboard and change it so they would win. Matt was agreeing with the gibberish while Shiro looked completely lost.Hunk was holding a pink bowling ball at the end of the lane, but instead of lining his shot decided to make some joke to Keith. And Keith was smiling a little, coming up from the chair he'd been pouting in because Hunk was just that good at lifting people's spirits.

 

They were all there. They weren't teammates anymore, but they certainly were still friends.

 

Lance mulled over that thought for a second.

 

They weren't teammates anymore. They didn't see each other every day or save the universe or eat food goo together or reminisce their time on Earth and how they couldn't wait to get back.

 

Again, Lance thought: You don't know what you have until it's gone.

 

He missed space. It was ironic really with how much he had missed Earth. But he could appreciate the here and now. He could love these little moments with his friends because he didn't know when he would miss something like this. It may not be around the couch they always lounged on in the castle or around the table handcuffed to each other having a food goo fight with Allura and Coran. It wasn't space spore fights or flying lions or exploring somewhere he'd dreamed of going all his life, yet could never even imagine.

 

But it was together and it was happy.

 

So Lance was going to try to live in the present.

 

-/-

 

“What are you talking about? Bowling alley pizza is, like, the BEST PIZZA!” 

 

“No. No, please, someone tell me he's joking.”

 

“Aw, come on! Keith will agree with me, won't you, Keith?”

 

“Sorry, buddy. No offense, but Keith thought  _ Coran's _ cooking was okay.”

 

“Coran's cooking  _ was  _ okay.”

 

“Uh huh” Hunk motioned to the former red paladin, giving Lance eyes that blatantly said _ , See? _

 

“Okay,” Lance admitted, “Maybe that wasn't the best example.”

 

“Hey!” Keith protested but Lance ignored him as he moved on.

 

“Pidge! Thoughts on bowling alley pizza.”

 

“Get some. I'm starving!” They said as they strode to the edge of the lane, releasing the ball and completing their spare. Pidge barely reacted as they turned back around to take their seat.

 

“Shiro?” Hunk asked desperately. Lance knew he'd win this one, but with Shiro it was up in the air. Who the hell knew what Shiro liked?

 

But Shiro shrugged. Lance pumped his arm.  _ Success! _ “I don't mind either way. Can we get chips?”

 

Hunk looked so disappointed in his friends then, but Lance threw an arm around him, pressing the call button on the dial thingy with his other hand. “It's alright, buddy. The chef can't be right about everything.”

 

“It tastes like underbaked dough and processed cheese.” Hunk said, disbelieving. Lance shrugged. If he wanted to admit it, Hunk was probably right. But most of the people there either were too hungry to complain or didn't have taste at all. Namely, Keith.

 

When the waiter came over Lance took over ordering for everyone. “One cheese pizza. Two pitchers of soda. Uh, one coke and the other-”

 

“Water.” Shiro said.

 

“Mountain Dew!” The Gremlin piped up.

 

Lance got both.

 

By the time the waiter came back their table was littered in greasy foods and sugary drinks (and water for Shiro). There was pizza, chips, fries (because who goes anywhere and doesn't order fries?), a big pretzel for Hunk, hot dog for Matt, and nacho cheese and ranch for those who just wanted to fuck up their systems. Matt went straight to putting both dips on his hot dog.

 

Ew.

 

Lance, predictably, went for a fry. Fries were heaven wherever you got them. Wait, no. Fresh fries were. Don't eat cold McDonald's french fries, kids. It's a safety hazard.

 

But these ones were definitely fresh and so Lance was super ready to eat at least half of what had been brought to the table.

 

What he wasn't ready for was meeting someone else's hand across the table. They both froze and Lance could only stare down at the two connecting fingertips. Barely touching, yet it heated Lance’s entire body from head to toe to slightly grazed fingertip. It was the second time he'd felt like this today, the first having been when he'd realized he was holding onto Keith’s wrist after stopping him by the shoe rentals.

 

It felt like they were there forever until Keith snatched his hand back half a second later. Lance was still frozen for a moment though, which prompted a reaction from his worst little nightmare.

 

Pidge chuckled like all their devious Christmas wishes had come true before teasing, “I think you broke Lance, Keith.”

 

Their voice was the catalyst to finally make Lance move. He snatched a fry and leaned away, stuffing it in his mouth and looking in any direction that was not at Keith.

 

He was going to  _ kill _ Pidge. They had been doing this all day. Making jokes, teasing Lance about the crush they  _ knew _ he'd had for who knows how long! All the while it seemed every single one went right over Keith's oblivious head, leaving Lance alone in his embarrassment to suffer.

 

He could never decide if he was relieved by Keith's obliviousness or was completely and utterly frustrated by it. Like now, all of Pidge’s taunting did nothing to alert Keith of his feelings, but if Keith had been a little less dense would Pidge even make the jokes in the first place?

 

Or would any of Lance’s flirting or pickups have worked?

 

Or would Keith have just given him any sort of sign???

 

It was hard to tell. Because, as stated, Keith really is that dense.

 

And Lance was spending practically every night at his apartment these days. He saw him every day, often times slept  _ next to him _ .

 

Oh no.

 

This was bad.

 

Lance knew it was. First step was admitting it, right? First step to what? Who even knew, but he was past the first step. What's the next? Abort mission. He didn't know what to do.

 

After bowling they all went back to Lance’s apartment. Shiro left and Matt caught a ride with him to spend the night at his place. Lance’s apartment now made up of Hunk, Pidge, Keith, and himself who decided to watch a movie crowded together in Lance's living room. Pidge was first to the couch and sprawled out, but Hunk kicked their legs off so he could sit too. Instead of trying to fight Pidge, a battle they would most assuredly lose, Keith and Lance just sat on the floor.

 

In the middle of the movie they decided to pause and stretch their legs. Hunk made.popcorn and, since the floor wasn't the most comfortable place in the world, even with the soft carpeting, Lance raided his apartment for blankets and pillows and made the comfiest floor nest he could. It was too bad he didn't have many lying around or he really could have made a really awesome fort.

 

When he got back Keith was in the kitchen helping Hunk and Pidge was passed out on the couch.

 

“Huh.” Lance commented to the silent living room. “I didn't think you slept.”

 

“Only when people taking for-abso-fucking- luetly-ever to get back to a movie.” The bundle of green and bitter replied.

 

Lance snorted and continued laying out the pillows, throwing one at Pidge’s back so they could get comfier too. Pidge grabbed it and buried their head under it without moving anything but their arms.

 

“Popcorn arrives!” Hunk announced as he and Keith walked into the room carrying four bowls of the stuff. They had learned long ago that trying to share bowls would only lead to destruction.

 

“My heroes!” Lance exclaimed, falling back into the cushions he had situated for this purpose. The landing was still a little hard, but, hey, he'd looked cool while doing it.

 

“That was stupid.” Keith pointed out.

 

“You're stupid!” Lance replied.

 

Once they all got settled in again, turned out the lights and unpaused the movie, the room went silent. By the time the movie ended both Hunk and Pidge were asleep, for real this time.

 

Keith looked exhausted and Lance was reminded that he'd off and on looked about like that all day. He sat up anyway.

 

“I should probably get home.”

 

Lance didn't get up, only made sure to complain as loudly as he could without waking the others.

 

“Duuude. Just crash here. It's like one in the morning.”

 

He could see Keith roll his eyes from the light of the TV screen. “You know I'm out this late on most nights anyway.”

 

“You're exhausted. Don't try to deny it. Come on; just let me pay you back for all those times I crashed at your place.” When he saw Keith about to argue again he interrupted, sticking out his bottom lip and giving the biggest puppy eyes he could. “Pwease?”

 

At that Keith burst out laughing but didn't argue anymore, just laid back down and stared at the ceiling. Lance could hearing the even breathing of their two sleeping friends on the couch.

 

For a while they stayed that way, next to one another and staring at the ceiling. It wasn't anything like Keith's couch, television light sweeping over them. Lance had already turned off the TV when the movie had ended and now it was total darkness. Total silence.

 

Lance was suddenly aware again of what he had realized in the bowling alley that day. He slept next to his age-old crush. Almost every night. And neither of them thought it weird at all.

 

Did they? Did Keith think it was weird?

 

Now that Lance thought about it, it must have been weird.

 

They didn't act like it was weird.

 

“Lance?” Keith whispered, as if sharing a secret with the night around them instead of simply asking if Lance was awake.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You said you, uh, get nightmares, right?” Keith asked, a little hesitant.

 

Lance nodded, then realized that probably wasn't the best response in a pitch black room. “Yeah.” He wondered vaguely if 'yeah’ was all he could say to the dark.

 

“What…” Keith started then trailed off. Lance didn't say anything, only waited. “What are they about?”

 

Lance was silent for a long time after that, contemplating what exactly he should tell Keith. If he even wanted to tell Keith anything. After a while, Keith spoke up again, voice still calm and hushed.

 

“You don't have to tell me.”

 

Lance stayed silent. He thought he was ready. He could tell Keith about his nightmares.

 

But that night he never did.

 

-/-

 

It had been a week since Lance had come clean about his nightmares. He still hadn't told Keith what the nightmares were  _ of _ , but that wasn't really the point. Keith worried what they could be, yes. If it could be any of the things they'd seen in space that could be replaying in Lance's head every night or of fears unknown to Keith. It could be anything.

 

But what really had Keith anxious was the fact that he hadn't told Lance about his own sleeping… difficulties.

 

Lance must have known, right? He spent so much time at Keith's apartment that it would be impossible to think Keith slept like a normal human being. But he never mentioned it. Not a word. Maybe he was afraid asking would prompt Keith to ask about his nightmares again.

 

That made Keith feel severely guilty about the whole thing. Not only did Lance tell him about his nightmares only for Keith to tell him nothing in return, but he now probably thought he owed Keith more explanation. Keith didn't want to know what the nightmares were about if Lance didn't want to tell him. That's not why he'd asked.

 

He had just been worried about Lance and about what he'd been dreaming. He'd been worried since finding out Lance had nightmares so constantly. He didn't like it that Lance had to put up with that. Lance didn't deserve any of it.

 

So Keith was really worried. About Lance, his nightmares, the pressure he must have put on Lance when he’d asked what the nightmares were about. And then the part where Keith himself wasn't even being honest with him.

 

Every detail, every secret, it all stacked up, leaving Keith strained from the weight of trying to keep it from toppling over.

 

But that didn’t change anything between the two. At least, externally. Lance still came over practically every night and Keith tried to stay away from the living room in the meantime. It didn’t work a lot of the occasions. Keith always somehow made it to his spot on the couch, sleeping next to Lance.

 

There was no denying that he’d become attached.

 

That coffee still sat up in his cupboard and he refused to touch it. It hurt to look at it. He knew he was only setting himself up for disaster. And, that night, while watching more late night TV with his unofficial roommate, Keith couldn’t stop thinking of that damn bag of coffee and the mistakes he was making.

 

“Keith?” Lance’s voice knocked him out of his reverie and Keith looked over. Lance’s eyebrows were knitted together in concern. “What’s up, man?”

 

Keith frowned in thought. Then, oddly enough, he began to tell Lance. He wasn’t sure what exactly had prompted it, but the words came unbidden.

 

“I lied to you. I do miss it.” Keith breathed, curling up and sitting back into the cushions. He wanted to hide himself from Lance’s imploring eyes. “I miss space.”

 

“Yeah, man.” Lance said, “Me too.”

 

They sat with that knowledge hanging in the air for some time before Lance spoke up again.

 

“Why deny it in the first place? We all miss it. It’s alright to miss it.”

 

“I didn’t think you guys missed it. At least, not as much as you were relieved to be home.” Keith explained. “I miss it too much. I want to go back to it, but that’s not fair to you guys.” Keith sunk more, voice lowering soft enough where he hoped Lance couldn’t quite hear. Maybe he would ask him to say this part again and he could say something else. Anything to deny what he really felt.

 

“You all have people you came back to.”

 

It was silent again and Keith prayed Lance would ask. He had to. Keith had said it too low. Lance would say  _ “I didn’t quite catch that. Could you say it again?” _

 

Instead Lance said, “You know, when we were bowling I thought something was off with you. You were acting different and, I mean, I knew it wasn’t a  _ bad  _ different, but I was still really confused about it.” In the middle of Keith’s sinking heart’s descent, it stopped. He looked at Lance now, an imploring expression in his eyes. Then Lance took his hand. It was a comforting gesture and Keith wanted to squeeze back with all his might, but he kept still. He kept the embrace loose so he could get out if he needed to. 

 

“You had gotten a bunch of gutter balls and had to put up with all the teasing from Pidge and Shiro and me about it, but you were really happy about it all. You tried to pretend you didn’t give a shit, but anytime you interacted with us you just... lit up.” Lance sort of tilted his head. “Yeah, lit up. I guess that's a way to describe it.”

 

Lance was looking down at their linked hands now, thumb tracing over the top of Keith’s hand. “I forgot with this all - getting home, seeing our families and friends, getting back to normal life - I forgot that  _ we _ were  _ your _ family.”

 

Keith tensed and, on instinct, went to retract his hand. Lance didn’t let go.

 

“I bet Shiro didn’t forget, did he? He’s good at that stuff. Besides, he’s basically your brother.”

 

Lance sounded so put out by that that Keith wanted to shift his position so he could actually be facing the other and give him a hug. Yeah, Shiro was always in that big brother mode. It was unavoidable. But Shiro got busy too. They all kind of forgot Voltron to live their Earthen lives for a time. It was okay to forget about Keith. Everyone did.

 

Instead, Keith was out of words. Lance’s words instead were singing in his ear.

 

_ We were your family. We were your family. We were your family. _

 

They were. Keith hadn’t even noticed until then. He did had a family.

 

“It’s fine, Lance.” Keith eventually said. He didn’t want Lance to feel guilty about this. Not this. Keith had plenty of experience getting over being left behind. With not having a family. He could deal with this fine. Lance had nothing to feel guilty about.

 

Lance sat up straighter, looking for Keith’s eyes. “Your definition of fine kind of sucks.”

 

This time Keith succeeded in tearing his grasp from Lance’s. He hugged his hands both close to his chest. An uncontrollable feeling was writhing in his heart and he just wanted to get away. Get out. “Before bowling I hadn’t talked to Shiro in months!” Keith snapped, shrinking away. When the words he’d said dawned on him he tried to cover up his hurt. His bitterness. “But that’s fine. Before I met Shiro it was always like this anyway. I can handle things the way they are.”

 

He didn’t want Lance to see him like this. He was vulnerable and weak. People left when you were weak.

 

So Keith sprang off the couch. He tried to take off to his room until a hand held him back. Lance was standing too and he was looking down at Keith desperately. “Don’t leave!” He pleaded, “Please, don’t leave.”

 

Keith froze. He remembered those words. Those words and him were old friends.

 

“What, Lance?” He asked, barely keeping his voice from crumbling. He didn’t turn around.

 

“I- I just- I wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

 

Keith whipped around. Surely he hadn’t heard that right. “What?” His voice was becoming shakier the longer he stayed, but he had to hear Lance now. This didn’t sound right.

 

“I’m sorry, man. We left you alone like that. We didn’t even think where you’d end up after Voltron. I mean- I  _ thought  _ about it, but I guess I never thought of it like this.”

 

Time stood still.

 

Then, before Keith turned again. Before he retreated inevitably back to the safety and solitude of his own room. Keith could only think of one thing to say.

 

“It’s fine, Lance.”

 

Keith didn’t feel fine, but he knew, with time, none of it would matter anyway. Because everyone left him and Lance would too.

 

-/-

 

Keith tried to pretend like that night never happened. Lance didn’t look too happy about Keith’s blatant disregard of the topic, but he seemed to respect it. Maybe he was finally beginning to see that it was a sensitive subject for Keith. Or maybe he was starting to not care anymore. That had always been the first step when people left him.

 

Keith should have known that argument was what would end up doing it.

 

One night, Lance fell asleep before Keith. It wasn’t unusual. The two were pretty tied for who fell asleep faster. On this particular night, Keith couldn’t help watching Lance from the corner of his eye. He tried to convince himself he was watching the television and occasionally checking to see if Lance was having any nightmares, but soon he couldn’t even keep up that pretense.

 

Lance was beautiful when he was asleep. He was always beautiful, but seeing how serene, how at peace he was, made Keith’s heart stutter. He wanted to reach over and push his hair away from his face. He wanted to snuggle closer or put his head on Lance’s shoulder. He wanted to whisper all his thoughts to him and have Lance share his ridiculous late night rambling in return.

 

When Lance’s face scrunched up, Keith didn’t hesitate to stroke his cheek in an attempt to soothe him. It worked and Keith sighed in relief.

 

He laid back, content enough to perhaps get a few hours of sleep before he had work in the morning. It was funny how sleeping on that couch next to Lance made it so much easier. His body felt like it could slow down for once. His mind didn’t spin and his nerves weren’t wired. Somehow he reacted differently to the prospect of sleep when he was around Lance.

 

It was natural when Keith started to nod off. Not laying in bed until he was utterly exhausted or going out for a run to tire himself out quicker. It wasn’t because of some tea that’s supposed to help you sleep or medicine that Keith was always reluctant to take because of the risk of dependency, knowing full well it wouldn't only be a single night he'd have to take it. It was pure, natural nodding off, which led to pure, natural sleep.

 

Keith wasn’t sure how much sleep he’d gotten when he woke up from the shifting on the couch. He cracked his eyes open to see Lance standing.

 

“Sorry dude.” Lance whispered. “Go back to sleep.”

 

But Keith blinked blearily. It was still dark. Did Lance have an early class?

 

Lance left the room and came back with a glass of water. “Hey, you’re still up.” He commented and put the glass on the side table. “Did you want some?”

 

Keith shook his head, still too groggy to form actual words. He probably hadn’t been asleep for that long, but it felt like it had been days. “Why are you up?” He managed, probably slurring the words a bit.

 

Lance shrugged. “Nightmare. You know.”

 

This woke Keith up. “Oh.” Wow, great one, Keith.

 

“Yep.” Lance fell back onto the couch, no longer trying to sneak about because Keith was definitely Awake.

 

They were silent after that. It was odd how quiet they were together. It used to be all shouting and taunting, but now they simply sat with one another.

 

Keith should tell him. It was obvious by now that Keith also had trouble sleeping, but it had been obvious when Lance was having nightmares and he’d still told Keith anyway. He’d thought Keith would be upset. Would Lance be upset that Keith had waited so long? Would he be angry that Keith was using him too; not simply letting Lance stay here out of the goodness of his heart, but because it helped him sleep as well?

 

Keith knew he would let Lance stay no matter what, but Lance didn’t know that. As far as Lance would understand, Keith had been using him and hadn’t even come clean about it when Lance had done the same.

 

“Mostly…” Lance spoke up and paused. He seemed to contemplate what he was going to say. “Mostly I dream about stuff that happened in space. You know, the fights, combat in the lions or out face-to-face with Galra or whatever other aliens. Almost getting sucked out of the castle. Fighting Hunk at that weird mermaid place.”

 

“But sometimes I dream about losing you guys. What if one of you had died when I was passed out that time they were taking over the castle? What if the Blade of Marmora killed you because you had one of their blades? What about Blue? I’ll never see her again. None of us will see our lions. I know we said goodbye, but I always worry she doesn’t know how much I miss her. What if she thinks we abandoned them?”

 

“Then sometimes it’s my mother’s face. The shock she’d had when I came home. What if I had never come back? What if I never got to see her again or she never saw me and they all just thought we all were dead? I know it still haunts her that I was gone for so long. I can see it everytime I come home, like she had forgotten that I was just a drive away or going to the grocery store or something.”

 

Lance took a deep breath. He glanced back at Keith and he looked so small then. Like he was stuck in a bad dream at that very moment. Keith wanted to hug him. Wrap him up in his arms and blankets and whatever else that could shield him from those nightmares and things he was scared of.

 

“So…” he continued, Keith still having not moved to comfort him because that wasn't something he could do. Keith couldn't comfort. “That’s what I dream about. I’m sure it’s a lot of the same you or the other guys think about or maybe have nightmares of. But you asked, so I thought, hey, why not? There it is.”

 

Lance finished by folding his legs up onto the couch under him, then tucking them up near his chin so he could hold them. It was Keith’s turn to take a chance.

 

“I don’t really think about that stuff a lot.” He found himself saying. And it was true. “Maybe I’m just not like that. Maybe I’m not as sensitive. I probably should be. What kind of person isn’t phased by battle?” Keith chewed on his lip. “But thank you for telling me. You didn’t have to divulge that. It's your business. But I'm glad you did.”

 

Lance just shook his head. “I was going to tell you the other night, but for some reason I couldn’t really get it out. I thought I was ready, but I guess not. I was ready this time.”

 

“You know,” Keith said, finally, “I have trouble sleeping too.”

 

Lance snorted. “Yeah, I noticed.” He said, though there was still humor in his voice.

 

Keith elbowed him. “Okay, ass. I got that.”

 

Keith waited a beat. He had gotten this much out…

 

“Is it nightmares?” Lance asked and Keith shook his head. This was better. He couldn’t do all the talking on his own.

 

“I never get nightmares. Like I said, it’s like space didn’t even affect me. I think I’m just too used to change. Maybe I don’t feel things like a normal person anymore.”

 

Lance frowned but didn’t say anything. He was waiting for Keith this time.

 

Keith sighed. “I just can’t sleep for whatever reason. I have to exhaust myself in order for my body to shut down. I’m really wired all the time. That’s why I went to the diner a lot. I rested there after my jogs which were supposed to get rid of a lot of this energy. More often than not though, when I end up getting to sleep, my body will kick start it and I’m wide awake again.”

 

He shifted, uncomfortable with all of Lance’s attention on him. He always loved when he had Lance’s attention like this, but with how things were now, with what he was saying, he just wished Lance would look anywhere else.

 

“So I guess I’m using you too. I sleep better with you here.” When the words he’d used processed through his head, Keith’s blushed up to the tips of his ears. “I- I mean! Not  _ you _ . Probably just another person. Just a human, you know? I mean, not that aliens are bad. We know a lot of aliens and they’re cool…”

 

By this time Lance was laughing. “Dude. Dude, I get it! I’m pretty sure you’re forgetting  _ you’re  _ half alien again.”

 

“Wait.” Keith put his hand up to stop Lance’s flow of words, though they had already ceased. “You aren’t mad?”

 

“Mad?” Lance asked, more than a little confused. “About what…?”

 

“I didn’t tell you… and I’m sort of using you too…”

 

“What? Dude, like we’ve already established, I’m doing the same thing. Besides, it’s your place and I’m crashing here. I don’t think there’s much I can be mad about.”

 

Keith’s brows went down. “But I didn’t tell you. You told me and I just brushed it off.” He threw his hands up, frustrated that Lance still wasn't getting the point.

 

“Keith,” Lance said seriously this time, “For one, I already knew you had trouble sleeping. It’s hard not to notice when you sleep next to a guy every night.” Lance paused. “Okay, that sounded weird, but whatever.” He waved his hand. “Two, you weren’t keeping anything from me. If you don’t want this to be my business then it’s not. I like that I can help and I’d like to help more if I can. Even if it’s just listening like this. But, man, you’ve really got nothing to worry about. I’m cool.”

 

“...oh.” Keith said finally.

 

“Yeah.” Lance replied, as if Keith had just grasped the importance of some obvious phenomena of the world. Like gravity. Or the cuteness of small animals.

 

They lapsed into silence again. Damn, Keith was really starting to hate these silences.

 

Then, “I’m tired.”

 

“Me too.” Lance said.

 

But neither of them moved to lay down. Instead, Lance leaned over to grab his glass of water, lifting it to his lips to take another sip. Keith blushed and looked away when he noticed he was watching. He already felt embarrassed enough with how he had treated the situation. Of course Lance hadn’t been mad at him. Lance was better than that. He was one of the most understanding people Keith knew, though he could get caught up on occasion when it came to arguing with Keith.

 

But the seemingly obviousness of this information still couldn’t deter Keith’s head, nor his heart. He’d lived for too long thinking things were his fault. Thinking he’d been the reason he’d never gotten to stay, that everyone leaved, had been simple fact to him for most of his life.

 

He wondered if Lance would leave.

 

He knew he would…

 

But he hoped - he really, really hoped - that maybe this time could be different.

 

When the two lay back again, Keith tucked in his legs, wrapping his blanket more securely around him. Lance put his head down on the couch, close enough that Keith could run his hand through his hair if he wanted.

 

Instead, Keith lay down too. The couch was certainly cramped and they had to tuck their legs in to fit, but neither of them seemed to mind. Keith’s legs were on one side, Lance’s the other. Their heads lay side by side at the middle of the couch.

 

And Keith felt that hope in his chest reach out to the one that lay beside him. And he was scared of it. Scared of it perhaps more than anything in his life. He couldn’t beat this back like any normal enemy. Emotion was complicated, especially with Keith.

 

But, if Keith snuggled a little closer to Lance as they fell asleep, well, there were only the two of them to tell.

 

-/-

 

It seemed that somehow along the way Lance and Keith had come to understand each other more.

 

It hadn’t been long since their first time running into one another at the dinner, about two months now, and, though they continued to sleep on the couch neither of them complained about back or neck problems. Lance knew he had no room to complain himself, even if he wanted. Not his apartment. Not his couch. No more nightmares. And sleeping next to the man of his dreams. There was definitely no room to complain.

 

Lance understood that not every night would he be able to help Keith sleep and neither vice versa. Lance still got nightmares. Keith still needed to go out for a run to expend some energy sometimes. They looked up some tips online together at times on getting more restful sleep, if only to find something to do. They rarely worked.

 

Sometimes they still went to the diner. Sometimes they stayed at Keith’s place to watched late night TV. Sometimes Lance got mad when Keith lit a cigarette and sometimes Keith did the same when Lance ordered coffee late at night. Lance still thought he had the high ground in that argument.

 

Lance bought groceries for Keith’s apartment and kept a lot of his belongings there. It was like they were true roommates. Lance barely ever went to his own apartment anymore.

 

Of course, he would never bring it up to Keith that it might just be a better solution for him to move in. That was risky, even for Lance. Even for someone as oblivious as Keith. Even for people who were not, in fact, in any sort of relationship other than really close friends at this point.

 

Lance sometimes imagined how that conversation would go and never stopped to consider it all the way through. It was too painful to imagine it all the way through.

 

This was Keith’s place. Why in the world would he let Lance  _ live _ there just because Lance, the guy who slept in his living room and occasionally helped him sleep - though Keith helped Lance sleep way more than Lance could have possibly helped Keith - asked him? It would be insane to ask something like that.

 

And forget about moving to somewhere more comfortable. The couch was as intimate as they were prepared to take it. Even if Keith asked if the bed would be more comfortable (and knowing Keith, he probably would ask something like that thinking nothing at all was wrong) Lance would still say no. Screw his sleep at that point, his heart wouldn’t be able to take it.

 

But, other than that, they were practically a domestic couple. Whoever got home first would make dinner. Lance would make some of his mom’s recipes or even a couple he’d picked up from Hunk. Keith would end up making plain rice or grilled cheese until Lance complained about it too much and Keith decided to show him up with some Korean recipes he’d learned from the internet.

 

Lance knew when the dishwasher hadn’t been emptied or the laundry not flipped just like he would have at his own house. He even kept his assortment of skin care products on the counter of Keith’s bathroom, something Keith complained about but Lance knew he didn’t really care.

 

In fact, they were so domestic that Lance didn’t even realize how much until he was sitting at the round kitchen table, talking to Keith over his can of soda as Keith stirred some vegetables in a pan over the stove one night. When it did hit him, he practically choked on the amount of domestic that was shoved in his face.

 

Keith looked over. “You alright?”

 

Lance was chugging his drink now, trying to clear a passage of air while simultaneously hiding his quickly reddening face.

 

“Um, yeah. Yeah! I just gotta- um, go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” He said in a rush and, before Keith could say another word, Lance was out of there. When he was safely in the locked bathroom, he faced the mirror and let out a relieved, “Whew.”

 

He began noticing all those little things then. His bottles on the sink, for instance. And, while he had felt very overwhelmed before, and knew like he really should now, Lance felt completely different.

 

“Keith and I are practically living together.” He said to himself, staring down those bottles. They were next to Keith’s shaving cream. And the toothbrush holder had both of their brushes side by side. One blue. One red. “This is living together.” He decided and an almost giddy feeling rose up in him.

 

Then Keith called him for dinner and Lance swallowed hard. Could his heart take this?

 

After dinner, Keith went and took a shower. Lance sprawled on the couch and flipped through channels. He wondered if they watched too much television. Then scoffed because late night TV was his and Keith’s  _ thing. _ They had a  _ thing _ .

 

When Keith came back in his hair was dripping and he was in long sweatpants that went down to his toes. His t-shirt engulfed him and Lance wondered where he’d gotten it. Then he realized.

 

“Is that-” Lance squeaked, then tried again, after clearing his throat, “Is that my shirt?”

 

Keith’s eyebrows furrowed in obvious puzzlement before he looked down. Then his face turned red, scarlet enough to rival his lion. “Oh. Sorry, I’ll just go-” He quickly turned around, probably to go change, before Lance stopped him.

 

“It’s alright!” He shouted, probably a bit too desperately. “I mean, it’s okay.” Lance tried for nonchalance. He leaned back. “I don’t mind.”

 

Keith shifted. “Alright.” he said before shuffling to the couch. Lance pretended to look back at the TV but was actually dying inside. Keith was now sitting next to him. In  _ his  _ shirt.

 

They lived together. They slept next to each other. And now Keith wore his clothes.

 

What sort of being decided to bless yet curse him like this?

 

They watched TV for a while until Lance was feeling a little sleepy. He didn’t want to fall asleep though. It used to be because he didn’t want the nightmares, but now it was because he didn’t want to leave the one beside him alone. He could tell Keith was wired that night.

 

“Go to sleep. I’ll be fine.” Keith said, as if reading his mind. He patted Lance’s leg and Lance could only think how weird that was. Friends didn’t do that. Not even Hunk, the most touchy feely person Lance knew and his closest friend, did that. His mom did sometimes, but that was because she was his  _ mom _ .

 

“Will you sleep?” Lance asked and Keith seemed to think on it.

 

“Maybe.”

 

Lance huffed. He could tell that wasn’t true, even if Keith was being optimistic about it. Funny, Lance had never taken Keith as an optimist.

 

There was only one thing to do at a time like this. He breathed in deep and swung his legs off the couch, hoisting himself up. He made for the kitchen.

 

“Lance? What are you doing?” Keith asked and when Lance didn’t answer he heard Keith follow.

 

Lance went for the cabinets, searching through each one. He had found something the other day that he was kind of excited about and now was the perfect time to use it. “Ah. There.” He said once he’d spotted it. He reached up easily, somewhere he knew Keith had to go on his tiptoes for, and grabbed the bag. Once he’d closed the cupboard and held the bag triumphantly, he turned to face the door where Keith stood.

 

Keith eyed the bag with unease. “You shouldn’t be drinking coffee.” He said, but something was off in his voice. Lance looked from the bag to Keith, trying to figure out what it was.

 

Eventually, he just decided to answer Keith’s comment. “I don’t have work tomorrow.”

 

“You’ll fuck up your sleep schedule.”

 

Lance shrugged. “One night’ll be  _ fine _ .” Then he started to prepare the coffee. It was caramel, one of Lance’s favorites. He wondered what Keith was doing with a thing like this. He didn’t really enjoy sugary drinks.

 

“Lance-” Keith tried to argue again, but Lance cut him off.

 

“Keith, I’m going to stay up with you whether you like it or not. Now  _ you _ don’t get any coffee, but do you want some tea or something? I think we have cookies in the cabinet…”

 

“No.” Keith said stiffly and Lance turned at the sound. “I’m fine.”

 

Something about that stung inside Lance suddenly. The last time Keith had said those words had been when they had been talking about Keith being alone. When Lance had apologized for leaving him like that.

 

And now it seemed something was bugging Keith again. Lance tapped his fingers on the counter. He hated this. He didn’t know what to do.

 

So he went back to making coffee. And, on top of that, went to boil water for tea as well. He would go out there with coffee, tea, and a good attitude. He was meant to stay up with Keith, so if they talked a little about whatever was up with the guy during that, then that was fine too.

 

When Lance came back out Keith was curled up on the couch. For a second, Lance almost thought he was asleep, but then he shifted and they met eyes. Keith’s dark irises were wide awake and alert. Lance wondered if he wanted to take a run. He wondered if he could keep up with a run that night.

 

Lance walked over and handed him his mug with the tea in it. Keith took it and held it closer and Lance knew he was cradling the warmth for comfort. The scent of tea briefly wafted over to him when Keith took the bag and steeped it. Then, when Lance sat down, his own coffee and caramel filled his nose.

 

He relaxed.

 

Keith sipped his tea.

 

The TV was already off so the only sounds around them were of Lance blowing on his coffee and Keith shifting every few seconds.

 

“I got that coffee for you.” Keith said and Lance was so pleasantly surprised he didn’t know what to say at first.

 

“Really?” He asked, a smile pulling at his lips. Keith shifted but didn’t respond.

 

“Still pretty wired?” Lance asked. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy the silence. This silence wasn’t like the ones where they just didn’t know what to say or felt awkward after a heartfelt conversation. It was comfortable to them, but Lance also wanted to know how Keith was feeling.

 

But all Keith did was shrug. Now Lance was beginning to get a bit restless.

 

Lance put his coffee down and scooted closer. He looked at Keith head on. “Hey, what’s up?”

 

Momentarily, Keith looked as though he’d been caught in the headlights, then he went back to staring down at his mug. Something was obviously up and Keith wasn’t even trying to hide it. He rubbed his thumb along the ceramic and paint. The mug Lance had picked out for him was one of the only decorative ones Keith had: a dark blue with tiny cartoon painted yellow stars spattered over it.

 

Suddenly, Keith’s eyes were on him and it was all Lance could see. He forgot the mug in favor of the dark purple he was now lost in. Then, he was lost in Keith’s words.

 

“I wasn’t supposed to get attached.”

 

They were spoken so softly, yet so resolutely. Lance knew exactly what he had heard, but he couldn’t help being just a tiny bit confused.

 

“You’re right.” Keith looked down, once again into his tea. “You guys are my family. I used to think I had a lot of families and it hurt every time they left or I was sent away from them. I really didn’t know them all that well, but I thought that was the best I was going to get. I didn’t really  _ know  _ much better than that.”

 

“I got attached to the first few and decided not to do that anymore. It was a lot easier. Then I met Shiro and got attached to him and you saw where that got me. Then there was you guys and I thought that would never happen. But Shiro left. You guys left. And now you’re here again.”

 

Then Keith’s eyes came up to meet his once more, freezing him in place. “And I really shouldn’t have gotten attached.”

 

“But I won’t leave, Keith.” Lance said, only to be met with a shake of the head.

 

“Everyone does.”

 

“I won’t.” Lance said resolutely, but Keith still wouldn’t look at him.

 

Lance, determined to knock this notion from Keith’s head and not caring that it was probably a lot harder than he thought, grabbed Keith’s hand. To ground him. To keep him there. So he wouldn’t fly away.

 

“What if I’m attached to you too?” He asked.

 

Keith’s head shot up. Shock was plain in his eyes, as if he’d never even thought of that possibility before. Like the notion was unbelieveable.

 

Lance wanted him to believe in it.

 

They were so close. Lance could smell the tea’s strong scent. It had mint in it and something earth like. And Keith’s hair was no longer wet, but it was wild only in that way it was after scrubbing it with a towel and not combing it through did. And Keith’s eyes were on him. Only on him.

 

Lance wasn’t sure how, but he ended up pushing forward and their lips met. It was light and chaste and tasted like tea, obviously. When Lance leaned back they both seemed to have been struck speechless. Lance reached up to touch his lips, trying to come up with any words to describe the sensation that had been there just a second before.

 

Then their lips were together once more and Lance didn’t care if he ever had words for this moment or any like it. They were something too special for words. Only good enough for memory and the moment of.

 

This time their lips were strong against one another’s. It lasted a bit longer and was not as soft as the first, but it certainly was nothing more than what Keith could do while still holding a mug of tea in his lap.

 

When they separated this time, Lance didn’t have to contemplate in dazed silence. Instead, he gave a soft smile and reached up to brush along Keith’s cheek.

 

“I like being attached to you very very much.”

 

Then he took a deep breath. His eyes were on Keith, and Keith’s on him. “I don’t want you to leave either,” He admitted. “But that’s the risk we sometimes need to take in life to find happiness. I’d rather have great times with you now and risk getting my heart broken than never having it happen at all.” Lance took in a deep breath and held Keith’s eyes with his own. Keith was listening and Lance could tell he was scared of his words. Lance squeezed his hand tighter. “Because we need to live in the present.”

 

“We can’t be scared of the future or too anxious about our past. And we can’t miss it too much either because the past stays there and it’s never going to be the present again.”

 

“How can you risk that,” Keith asked, “If you know someone’s just going to leave in the end?”

 

“It’s a gamble. I think all of life is.” Lance said. “You don’t know they’re going to leave. You have to weigh it with yourself. You can play it safe, something I never thought I’d witness Keith ‘Impulsive Much?’ Kogane do. Or you can be happy and risk a little heartbreak. ”

 

“I’ll tell you now though,” Lance said, “If I ever break your heart, break my nose.” He smiled and winked, fracturing some of the tension and resulting in a light punch in the arm. 

 

Keith put down his tea and turned back to Lance. His hand curled back into Lance’s and Lance held on. They simply looked at each other for a moment until Keith finally said, a small, uncertain smile on his face, “Okay.”

 

Lance could still tell Keith was tentative. Scared. This was a whole new side of him Lance had never seen, but it all still seemed like Keith to him.

 

He just hoped that one day Keith wouldn’t be quite so scared of this. Would see letting people in as an opportunity instead a bad decision. And Lance knew it was up to him to help him.

 

And it was up to their teammates too. And, most importantly, it was up to Keith.

 

Lance and Keith curled up on the couch. Their drinks had long gone cold, abandoned on the tables on either side of the sofa. The coffee and emotion had woken Lance right up and he doubted he’d be going to sleep anytime soon himself, but he noticed that Keith wasn’t tapping his feet or drumming his fingers. When his breath evened out and Keith was asleep Lance sighed, relieved.

 

-/-

 

The next day Keith woke up in the living room alight from the mid-afternoon sun and a sound asleep Lance right beside him.

 

Lance’s caramel coffee was cold and Keith looked at it from his spot on the couch. It wasn’t as menacing as he’d thought. Just another tiny thing he’d blown out of proportion.

 

It was funny how things were perceived like that. Something could be insignificant to one person yet mean the world to another. One day caramel coffee could be a constant grave omen and the next a harmless, bland beverage.

 

Keith wasn’t sure if he could ever trust that Lance wouldn’t leave him. No one had ever stayed for Keith.

 

But was it something he could risk? Was it something he would take that chance for?

 

It was scary and disorienting and crazy. But Keith knew he couldn’t let the chance go so easily.

 

It was one dream he wouldn’t let slip away.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I have to get up early but I HAD to finish this. Here it is. Finally. I started this on July 4th with 10k words in one day then proceeded to take almost a month to finish. And like a week to edit.  
> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it!


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